The Warehouse
by Denitta
Summary: A collection of mostly oneshot fics, some based on relationships, some just ideas that came to me.
1. Turn the Page

It was a somber procession that marched from inland to the shore, as befit the occasion; a funeral of one of their own. An ironic twist of fate had lead to their current circumstances. After surviving the virus and its second wave and the Technos under both Ram and Mega and the City-cleansing new virus, Jay succumbed to a more innocuous appearing threat. He contracted a particularly virulent bout of pneumonia not long after the boat ran aground on this island paradise. Of course, at the moment, no one noticed the island's picturesque qualities as even Ram's head bowed in respect as Salene said a few words over the body.

The body. It felt so _alien_ to refer to Jay that way, but that was what he was now. No longer the strong, handsome man that more than one had fallen for, but rather a thin emaciated husk—a mere shell of all that he had been. After Salene finished the prayer, Amber haltingly made her way through a tearful eulogy, showing how much she had cared for her deceased lover. Then it was over, the only things left were personal goodbyes and the lighting of the pyre. One by one, they bent over the raft, paying their last respects, some final contacts closer than others; in this case, each of his former lovers. No one noted that one of them had removed something from the body, one item from his sparse collection of personal effects to be burned with him. So they set him ablaze as they had done in the past for another warrior, and sent his body out to sea.

It seemed like it had taken forever to get what she had sought ever since they had sent Jay on his funereal voyage: some time alone. For some reason, Amber had turned to her instead of her bosom chum when she needed someone's shoulder to cry on about Jay. Maybe Amber had finally realized that Trudy had never really gotten over Jay and mourned him just as deeply Amber did. Whereas, Ebony had fully moved on, being very deeply involved with Slade.

Whatever the reason, Ebony was glad to finally get some time to herself. Now she look at what she had pilfered from Jay's body, what looked like a journal. Finding a concealed palm and sitting beneath it, she opened the book and began to read. She read all about Jay and Ved's childhood, the passing of their parents, joining up with the Technos, the lot. It was all dull and uninteresting and she flicked through, trying to find the pages that dealt with her relationship with Jay. She realized she had overshot when she caught glimpses of Jay cursing at Ram and Mega for releasing another virus and that was slightly amusing, but she quickly flipped backwards, stopping when she saw a large angry looking 'Why?' scratched into a page, followed by pages of writing. She stopped to read, curious.

_Why, dammit, why did I have to remember? If only I didn't know now what I didn't know then, then maybe life would be a little easier to deal with It's all because of Amber, with her constant pushing. I could have done without remembering that either. Pushing me to be the man she needs, to be the father of her child, to lead at her side. Does she ever think that maybe I don't want all that? I thought I did once, but it all seemed so much simpler then. All I wanted was a better world with schools and hospitals and my greatest concern was keeping my reckless brother out of trouble. What I would not give for those relatively carefree days._

_Instead, I've got all these people looking to me to be an answer. Don't they know that I don't even know the question? Perhaps I never did. And if Amber had left well enough alone, I wouldn't have to worry about it. But I do, and I'm sick of it. I'm tired of Trudy's sad eyes, trying and failing miserably to pretend that she's okay with Amber and me; her eyes not quite able to back the lie her quivering lips told. Another regret there I could have done without recalling._

_I'm not what they want me to be, I'm not! I'm no hero, I'm no answer, I'm just me. The same guy who Ram ran circles around, the same guy who trusted Mega. The same guy who kissed Amber when I was still with Ebony. I know who I am and I'm not who they want me to be and but for a few clicks on a keyboard I could have missed all of this, I could have forgotten the seeking eyes and the doubts and the fears and all of it._

_And the children. They both expected me to be the male role model in their lives. Me, who couldn't even be a guide to Ved, my own flesh and blood. Ved. God, I miss him so much. He was a wiseass, and a pain in the butt, but he was my brother and I loved him—love him. But dammit, I would have given up the memory of him to have this pain go away. I would give up just about anything to make this pain go away._

_They say ignorance is bliss; well it's more than true in my case. So much I could have done without remembering. Those kids strung up in Ram's lab, Cloe, Pride, Mouse. They would all still be here if we had not come. More regrets. It seems that's all I have now, pain and regret. And loss. So many gone, that I could have not missed._

_Dammit! Just like I could have missed Amber calling me for something else. Can't she do anything alone?_

The entry ended there, obviously Amber had called Jay away from his journal, and he hadnever continued. Ebony wiped away the tears that had streamed down her face. She had no idea Jay had ever felt this way. She had swiped the journal hoping to find tidbits like that Amber snored or something about herself. She had not expected this conflicted side to the seemingly confident man she had known. She felt bad now, he had deserved more than what she had done. She made a decision.

She rose and using a stick, began to dig a hole. When the stick broke, she used her bare hands, scooping out the sandy earth until she had a good enough depth. Then she threw in the journal and refilled the hole, finally dragging leaves and branches over it to conceal its location. Jay's thoughts would die with him, forever hidden and never to be revealed by her.


	2. Ain't Going Down 'Til the Sun Comes Up

Pride slipped his headphones off, frowning as he looked around his room. He could have sworn he heard _something_. There it was again, a scrabbling noise coming from his…window? He went over to it, raising it up, sticking his head out and then snapping it back in just in time to avoid a face full of pebbles. He heard a faint snickering and he leaned out again, staring in disbelief.

"Ebony! What are you doing here? It's—" He glanced at his watch. "Eleven-thirty on a school night. What—I thought you were grounded."

"Not so loud, Twig-Boy, are you trying to get me busted? People are sleeping you know, it is after all eleven-thirty on a week day." She raised her eyes, creating the perfect image of innocence, then ruined it by grinning broadly. "I'm going 'round back. Let me in?" She didn't wait for a response, sashaying off around the house.

Shaking his head and muttering the entire time, Pride straightened up into his room, then made his way to the kitchen door. Disarming the alarm, he opened the door to an arms-crossed, foot-tapping Ebony.

"What took you so long?" She asked, pushing her way past him and heading up the stairs to his bedroom.

He raced up the stairs after her, rushing into his room and after checking to make sure no one was stirring elsewhere in the house, closed and locked his door, pressing his back against it. Glaring, he stared at the bed.

"My parents are home, do you know that? They're just down the hallway and if they were to find you here…"

"Well, if you kept your voice down, then we won't have anything to worry about, right?" She licked her lips slowly, her lids lowering to half-mast. Not breaking eye contact, she drew down the zipper on her black hoodie, revealing the cleavage spilling from her black and red lace bra.

Pride gulped, his Adam's apple bobbing up and down. "What-what are you doing?"

Ebony laughed throatily. "Why don't you come over here and find out?"

"Thanks for bringing me out here." Java turned to Mega, trying to read his inscrutable expression; her aim made even more difficult by the moonlight reflecting off his dark-rimmed lenses, concealing his eyes from her view.

"Thank you for agreeing to come." He responded, his monotone voice making it difficult for her to read as well.

She returned her gaze to the stars up above. It was a clear night; the moon was out, but partially shadowed, not so bright that it outshone the stars, making it an excellent night to stargaze, or person-watch as she was doing as much as she dared. Although, she thought she had caught Mega looking her way a time or two, so maybe the attraction wasn't all one-sided. It was just so hard to tell with him, he was so reserved all the time, keeping to himself mostly and not prone to effusiveness and certainly not pubic displays of affection. It was just so frustrating sometimes, the not knowing…she shivered, slightly, but it had nothing to do with the cool night air.

"Cold? What am I saying; of course you are. Come here."

He shrugged out of his denim jacket, draping it over her shoulders and pulling her into his side, his arm circling her shoulder. She snuggled into the jacket, still warm from his body and bearing the scent she had come to associate with him: his aftershave, the outdoors and simply him. She inhaled deeply, letting out her breath slowly.

"Thanks." She turned to face him, meeting the eyes that had been focused on her the entire time. "Oh," she exclaimed, ducking her head, embarrassed that she had been caught sniffing his jacket of all things.

"Don't. Don't hide."

He raised up her chin, turning her to him so that their gazes met.

"You did nothing to be embarrassed about…and I liked it." He leaned in close, his breath curling across her lips as he spoke. "It makes me want to…" His voice trailed away as he leaned in closer still, pressing his lips to hers. Her eyes drifted closed and her mouth opened, welcoming his heat. She gave everything she had in that kiss, all that she hoped for, all that she wanted. She didn't know if this was a one-off or the beginning of something, but she made it clear what she wanted.

Mega pulled away first, his chest heaving, his glasses askew and his hair sticking up from where her fingers had run through it. He pulled his glasses off, polishing them on the hem of his T-shirt, before slipping them back on with shaking hands.

"Wow."

She couldn't help herself, she giggled; surprising him.

"You giggled. You never giggle; you're not the giggling type."

"Well, who knew you could kiss like that? I guess it's true what they say."

He frowned slightly. "What who says?"

She grinned in reply. "I don't know, they. The ones that say still waters run deep…and pretty hot, I must say."

"You have no idea just how hot these waters can get," he got in close, his lips hovering just above hers.

"So show me." Java narrowed the gap between them to nothing, taking the kiss deep and hot immediately, fogging up Mega's lenses. She removed them, laying them on the blanket away from them, then pushed him down onto his back.

"Hmmph," He grunted out as he landed on his back.

"Shh. Don't worry, I'll be gentle."

Ebony crept up the stairs slowly, her shoes in her hand, taking care to avoid the third step, which tended to squeak.

"Don't forget the eighth one as well."

The young girl jumped and slapped her hand over her mouth to keep from yelping out loud. She spun around to glare at her eldest sister.

"Java! You startled me." Her eyes narrowed. "What are you doing coming home at this hour?" She glanced at the front window, through which the rising sun's rays were beginning to stream.

"And why is your blouse buttoned wrong? You had sex!"

"Why don't you say it a little louder? What are you, the town crier? I can tell by that cream-filled cat look that you've done the same." Java raised a brow at her youngest sibling.

"You're not wrong. So where do we go from here; it appears we have a Mexican standoff?"

Java rolled her eyes. "Why is everything a battle with you? We don't have a stand-off. I'm just late; you're late and grounded. However, as far as I'm concerned, we never saw each other, this conversation never happened, we can just forget the whole thing. And you can get moving or let me pass before we're both busted."

Ebony opened her mouth, then closed it. Then nodding to her sister, she turned and continued up the stairs, skipping over the eighth step.

At the top of the landing, she stopped.

"Java?"

"Yes?"

"Thanks."

"No worries."


	3. That Summer

Pride shuffled through the café in his pajama bottoms, scratching his side as he yawned. It was two o'clock in the morning and Salene wanted a drink of water. She had rolled over and whacked him on the head with her arm—what he had come to know as the sign for her needing a drink. He absently went over to the cabinet, removing a glass and filling it from the tap. Blinking sleepily, he trudged back towards the bedroom.

"Ow!"

He cried out as he stubbed his toe against a glass bottle on the ground, sending it skittering across the floor. In the faint light glowing from the bulb over the stove, he saw the bottle spinning slowly. He watched the revolving bottle, the light glinting off the dull surface, sparking memory, taking him back to a different time in a different world and another twirling bottle…

"You're going to play right?" She smiled, blinking large brown eyes up at him.

"Um, yeah." He blushed, nodding.

"I'll see you there, in the living room, in fifteen." She touched his shoulder lightly, before leaving.

He leaned against the counter, absently taking a large sip from his soda. He couldn't believe it. Gwen Carlysle knew who he was, had even asked him if he was going to join the Spin the Bottle game. Him, Eric Montgomery, conservationist type and self-professed un-cool guy. Not to say he was a troll or anything, he just did not generally run with the 'in' crowd, which Gwen did. He tried to be honest with others and with himself at all times and he knew she was way out of his league.

He stood there, staring into space, his thoughts swirling 'round and 'round with the possibilities and improbabilities. Then the panic set in—what if he wasn't any good? What if he _sucked_? He'd never kissed a girl before, not a real kiss. The soda curdled in his stomach and it was all he could do not to curl his arms around himself protectively. He didn't know how long he stood, frozen in contemplation of his social existence in junior high and high school snuffing out before it had even had a chance to begin.

His friend Thad slapped him on the shoulder, breaking his concentration.

"'Ric man, the game is about to start and Gwen Carlysle is asking for you."

Thad wriggled his eyebrows suggestively. "How'd you manage that? Unless…"

He clutched his chest dramatically, while pressing the back of his other hand to his forehead.

"Never tell me she's a tree-hugging, twig-eating, nature lover such as yourself? How's a football and pro-wrestling guy supposed to stand a chance?"

Eric shoved him back, his brows raising in surprise when Thad almost fell to the ground, even though he had not pushed him that hard, he felt. The martial arts he had begun studying must be paying off he thought. He would have to be more careful with this new-found strength in the future. For now, he held his hands up apologetically.

"Sorry man, I think my mom has been slipping something into my Wheaties."

Thad righted himself and arched a brow at Eric. "What, 'pumping' iron pills?" He laughed at his own joke.

"Ha, ha. That was so funny, I forgot to laugh."

Eric swiped at Thad again, but the blond ducked, sending a blow to his friend's mid-section. Eric dropped an arm, blocking the hit and brought up his other hand to strike Thad in the face with the heel of his palm.

"Are you boys done playing?"

They both whipped their heads around the see the owner of the voice, standing in the doorway, her left brow raised knowingly.

Eric flushed, straightening up and pulled Thad up beside him, then tried to act nonchalant.

"Playing? We weren't playing, we were practicing for um—"

"Karate class!" Thad chimed in.

"Exactly! We have a test soon and so…"

"We decided to practice now…for some reason." The blond looked pointedly at his friend.

"Riiiiight." Gwen sounded unconvinced, but a smile played about her lips and soon she was grinning outright.

"Whatever you say, fellas. But if you can break yourselves away from 'practicing'…" she paused and the guys blushed anew, "the game awaits."

She twirled around and headed back into the other room and the boys followed along behind her, amidst some continued shoving as each blamed the other for the state in which they had been caught.

For Eric the shoving was just a cover, something to distract him from the hollow feeling in his stomach as his thoughts once more returned to a more pressing problem. He was expected to kiss someone here tonight, possibly even Gwen herself. The possibility both excited him and scared the mess out of him. Kissing Gwen would be the pinnacle, like reaching the top of Everest—but if he was not any good at this kissing thing, it would be like falling off that great mountain. A great big splat both for himself and for his future at school. What if…

"Eric, you sit here."

He blinked, realizing that time had run out, they were now at the sofa and coffee table where others were already gathered, talking, laughing and some were already twirling the empty soda bottle that was the hand of fate tonight.

He swallowed, his throat suddenly bone dry. "Here?" He winced at the high-pitched squeak, then cleared his throat. "Here?" He said again at a lower decibel, indicating a spot on the couch directly across from Gwen.

"That's what I said, isn't it?" She cocked her head to the side, her eyes twinkling at him.

He sat, or more accurately, dropped into the spot on the couch, his eyes full of her. He did not notice when Thad wriggled himself in between two Junior Varsity cheerleaders, drawing glares from both.

Lilibeth Peters, Gwen's best friend and the hostess of this little gathering, stood and cleared her throat.

"Now that we are _all_ here." She flicked her eyes briefly at Eric then looked pointedly at Gwen,. "The game can begin."

She took the bottle from the guys spinning it and continued, "For those of you who don't know the rules, when it's your turn, you spin the bottle and kiss the person it lands on. If it lands on a person of the same sex—"

Lili glared at the same guys who were now snickering, until they stopped, unable to meet her stern gaze. "If it lands on a person of the same sex, you just spin again. When you have a successful turn, both of you go to the hall closet over there…" She pointed. "And spend at least five seconds, but no more than fifteen." More snickers accompanied this statement and she spread her glare around the circle until everyone was silent.

She sat down, still holding the bottle. "I'll take the first turn."

She spun the bottle forcefully, and it swirled for several seconds, the overhead light, glinting off its dark green surface, like emerald stars. It slowed, twirling lazily, coming to a stop with its head pointing at one of the JV football players. He grinned cockily, holding his hands out for slaps from his buddies.

His grin dropped, however at Lili's words. "Can the Casanova act, Brett; you can add these five seconds to what will undoubtedly be a long line of disappointments to members of the female sex."

Brett's face flushed an angry red and his brows furrowed as he glared at her departing back, only moving when she looked over her shoulder and said, "You coming?"

He followed her, overtaking her just before they went into the closet, pulling her inside and slamming the door shut.

Catcalls and whistling rang out while they remained in the room, as the time crept towards the fifteen second mark. Then abruptly the door opened and Brett stalked out, his face a fierce thundercloud as he continued past the group to the kitchen. Lili followed him out at a more leisurely pace, her expression smug as she licked her lips and took her seat as regally as any queen.

"So who's next?" She asked, smiling broadly.

A chill ran down Eric's spine. He was so not ready for this. Some part of his brain recognized that the game had continued, that others were spinning and heading in pairs to the hall closet, for their turn, receiving good-natured ribbing from their friends. But the central focus of his mind was fear. Fear of failure, fear of ridicule, fear of…Lili. He hoped like hell that he never got her or that she never got him, because if Brett couldn't handle her, he knew that he couldn't.

He was so gone in his head that he did not notice at first that everyone was looking at him and calling his name. When he did, he looked down to the bottle pointing at him, then looked up to see Gwen looking at him expectantly. Stunned, he pointed at her; she nodded. Then he pointed at himself and she nodded again, smiling gently. She extended an arm, pulling him to his feet.

He followed along behind her, his heart racing the blood pounding in his head so that all he heard was its drumming beat. His breath came faster and faster until he felt Gwen's hand against his chest.

"Easy. Slow down or you're going to hyperventilate."

He tried. He took a deep breath, then another, then forgot to breathe entirely.

"Gwen, just so you know, I've never—"

"Shh, it's okay." She placed a finger against his lips. Unconsciously, he licked his dry lips, licking her finger as well.

"Sorr—"

"Don't apologize. Do it again."

He did it again, circling her finger with his tongue.

"Good. And…again" Her breath whispered across his face as she replaced her finger with her mouth.

Mind spinning, he did what she asked, giving his all to the kiss, allowing himself to fall into the sweet abyss, where there was nothing but this time and this place and this girl in his arms.

And the party guests outside. They jumped apart as someone banged loudly on the door.

"Time's up! You're not the only ones that want to suck face here tonight you know." Lili could be heard clearly to say.

"Sometimes, I really wonder why I'm friends with that girl." Gwen said breathing hard as she leaned against the wall.

"Masochism? You're a glutton for punishment?" 'Ordeal' now over, Eric could tease.

She hit him gently on the shoulder. "No, silly; she's a very good friend. She arranged the game and even this party just for me."

His eyes rounded as her meaning sank in. "Wow."

"Is that all you're going to say?"

"Well, I—"

"If you two don't come up for air soon, I'm going to come in." The doorknob began to turn.

Eric grabbed it, pulling the door open, while grasping Gwen's hand with his free hand.

"Impatient much?" He smirked at Lili.

"As a matter of fact, I wouldn't mind giving you a try." She smirked back, dragging a scarlet nail down his chin.

His smirk fell away and he took a small step back, bumping into Gwen.

Both girls laughed and he could feel his face fill with color.

"Don't worry 'Ric, I'll protect you." Gwen pressed her cheek and her palm against his chest…

Pride pressed his free hand against his chest. His memories had been so vivid; he could almost feel Gwen pressed against him now. One corner of his mouth curled up as he thought back. His first kiss; how scared he had been and how well things had actually worked out.

He sighed; the good old days.

"Pri-ide, I'm collld."

He grinned to himself. These days weren't so bad either.

"Coming."

He ran up the stairs to bring Salene her water.


	4. ExGirlfriend

The evidence of their debauched encounter littered the shattered bedroom. The pillow beneath the bed, the other wedged between the mattress and the headboard, the sheets hanging half-on, half-off the bed and the clothes trailing from the bed to the doorway and beyond—in fact, all the way to the front door. When the moment and the heat came upon them, they forgot all else except the need to be naked and pressed together as soon as possible. Mega had clocked them once at 73 seconds, but Jay had declared that it did not count, as Mega had still been wearing a sock when they hit the mattress. Of course, the argument and the timing had come later—much later.

But every beginning has an end, everything that goes up must come down, right? That is where they were now, down at the end. Las night should not have happened, but Jay had always had a problem saying no where Mega was concerned. He was like a drug Jay could not get enough of, the finest wine, the perfectly aged bottle of whiskey—but that was all over now. After the most amazing night they had had in-God-forever, Mega had left. _It's not you, it's me. Just giving you the freedom that you always wanted, to find the person you're meant to be with._

Bullshit. Jay knew exactly who he was meant to be with: Mega. Except Mega had already moved on, had been moving on for months now, with various encounters, both for business and pleasure. But now he had landed the big fish, their boss, Ram. Jay had seen it coming from the first moment the two had met, the smugly arrogant young entrepreneur eyeing them both suggestively enough to have garnered harassment charges. Jay had shifted his feet uneasily under the unabashed appraisal, but Mega had given as good as he got, eating up the attention.. Jay had known then that his days by Mega's side were numbered.

Actually, he had known before then, long before then. He thought back to their first meeting.

(O)

_Ugh! Talk about long-winded_. If Jack had gone on any more about the potential of the game he was developing called The Pain Game, Jay would have put his head down and started banging it on the table. And it was not like Jack had said much, he simply stuttered and repeated himself so often that listening to him speak was an energy-draining activity. But the meeting was over now and thankfully Jay could moisten his parched throat with a drink from the water cooler. As he stood tall, head tilted back, drinking thirstily, he heard a long low whistle.

Almost spilling on himself, he turned to see who his admirer was, and his shock could not have been any greater than when he realized that it was none other than Mega, programming genius, second only to the company's CEO, and legendary office lothario, again, surpassed only by the big man himself. You could have knocked him over with a feather, he was in such disbelief. Mega, interested in him, Jay, him who wasn't a programmer, but rather a member of the marketing team, helping to sell the products that others like Mega and Jack were developing.

He had stared at Mega, cup held just in front of his mouth for an embarrassingly long time, only realizing he had been staring when Mega had stated, "Like what you see? Because I certainly like what I'm seeing."

Flustered, he dropped his hand to his side, and opened his mouth. Nothing came out. He blushed a vibrant red and wished for lightning to strike or for a hole to open up and take him away. But neither of these things happened, instead something even more unexpected occurred: Mega came over and brushed a kiss across his lips. Before Jay had time to process, or respond, it was over and Mega walked away, again whistling.

(O)

He had been off-kilter then and he was off-kilter now. From the first, Mega dominated in their relationship and Jay had followed, with his eyes wide open, or so he thought. But if he had known what was coming, why did it hurt so much now? Why was this moment so surprising? He had _known_ it was coming, and his friends had warned him from the beginning as to what kind of guy Mega was, but still here he was, curled up in the recliner, viewing the wrecked room and staying just this side of crying.

(O)

"Nauseating, isn't it?"

Jay jerked out of his unblinking surveillance of Ram and Mega surreptitiously groping each other at the month-end Happy Hour Hang-Out. Clearing his throat, he responded to Ebony's comment. "Pardon?"

She grimaced up at him. "No need to pretend for me, Jay; I know what you're doing, I've been doing enough of it myself."

_So the office rumor mill was correct. Ram _had_ been seeing Ebony before Mega. _"Um, I'm sorry?"

She laughed humorlessly. "Thanks, but it isn't necessary. I knew it was only a matter of time. You know that old saying, when a man says that he's bi, it really means that he prefers men?" She continued without waiting for an answer, "Well, in Ram's case, it meant that he liked anything with a pulse, but I'm sure you know all about that. I know Mega is no angel, and like recognizes like, after all."

"I think you have the wrong idea about me. I'm fine with them being together. Why shouldn't I be?" He struggled to keep his voice even and succeeded.

But it meant nothing. "You've got stars and sorrow in your eyes, Jay, never a good combination." Shaking her head, long braids sliding over her shoulders, Ebony walked away.

Jay was unable to stay after that. He needed to get away, he needed to get out. All of a sudden, he was suffocating. He had to leave, but first, one last trip through Babylon.

"Excuse me, Ram, Mega."

Ram swiftly pulled his hand back from a not subtle enough, brush with Mega's crotch as both men turned to Jay.

"Jay, my man, I see you made it." Ram clapped Jay on the back heartily, his hand swiping Jay's ass on the way down.

"Yes, but I was just leaving, actually. I just wanted to thank you before I go." Jay's eyes skittered away from both Ram's and Mega's, unable to bear their assessing perusals. He couldn't believe it, they were both checking him out. _Ebony was right; they deserved each other._

"Well, sorry to see you go so soon, but enjoy your weekend." Ram licked his lips suggestively and Jay almost threw up right then and there. Just holding it together, just, he made it outside, stopping to heave into the bushes outside.

_God, it still hurt so much. Why couldn't he care as much as I did? As I do?_

As dry heaves wracked his body, he received no answers, just a seemingly unending stream of tears coursing down his cheeks.


	5. Some Devil

It was time. This was the day Ram had been dreading for months. It was time to leave her. He didn't want to, but he had known this was coming. Had known when he'd kissed her the first time, when she'd done a seductive striptease for him in his black room, and when he'd held her through her tears when the other Mallrats had condemned her for loving him. He'd known this day was coming; yet he had done nothing to protect either of them.

_One last kiss one only  
Then I'll let you go Hard for you  
I've fallen  
But you can't break my fall  
I'm broken don't break me  
When I hit the ground_

He looked down at her, sleeping so peacefully, her translucent skin glowing with untold mysteries in the streaming moonlight. She was everything he wanted, everything he needed. And everything he didn't deserve. In his head he knew this, but in his heart—he smiled, but it wasn't a joyous smile; his eyes remained untouched. In his heart, he knew they belonged together. As if to emphasize this point, she began to stir, frowning in her slumber, her arms instinctively seeking his body.

_Some devil some angel  
Has got me to the bones  
You said always and forever  
Now I believe you baby  
You said always and forever  
Is such a long and lonely time_

He sat on the bed, leaning over to place a kiss on her lips. A benediction for what they had shared together. Her brows straightened, she stopped fretting; all was once again well in her world. He placed the note where she would be sure to find it, on his pillow right next to her. And with one last look, he was gone.

_Too drunk and still drinking  
It's just the way I feel  
It's alright  
Is what you told me  
Cause what we had was so beautiful  
Feel heavy like floating  
At the bottom of the sea_

Ram slammed the rock glass down on his desk, jingling the ice inside. "You there, Q, bring me another bottle!"

The tall afro-ed recruit hastened to do Ram's bidding, almost running as he went to fetch another bottle of bourbon.

"Ram, don't you think you've had enough?" Java's voice was seduction personified.

"No, it's not enough, it will never be enough. YOU will never be enough!"

Java's face darkened, furrowing in anger. "I'm worth ten times more than your little Mallrat ever was!"

He looked her up and down slowly, his lip curling. "Java, I'm well aware of just how much you cost. But hey, it's only money and I must commend you and your willingness to do whatever I ask. It's rare these days to see such truth in advertising."

"You bstard!"

"That's not what my birth certificate says. But that's beside the point. Leave me, Java. You weary me."

She stalked out of the room, shoving Q in the doorway and almost causing him to drop the bottle in his hand. He caught it and holding it tightly, carried it over to Ram.

He took the bottle, opening it impatiently and filled his glass almost to the rim. He knocked back half the contents in one swallow, slamming down the glass again, sloshing just a bit of the deep amber liquid.

"Q, you know it's true what they say."

"What they say, Lord Ram?"

"Life's a btch and then you marry one."

_You said always and forever  
Now I believe you baby  
You said always and forever  
Is such a long and lonely time_

The drinking changed nothing. It couldn't stop the memories. Neither could degrading Java in the worst ways possible. If anything, that made it worse, particularly when he noticed how much she enjoyed the things he did to her. He smirked; a woman who took pleasure in her work. Even now, with her on her knees before him, He was recalling softer hands, a gentler touch, less sure, less expert, but infinitely _more_ in some indescribable way his head couldn't list, but that his heart recognized immediately.

"Aah." He couldn't stop this small sigh as his body achieved release.

Java looked up at him, wiping her mouth and licking her fingers suggestively. Smugly she said. "I'll bet your little Mallrat couldn't do that as well for you."

He adjusted himself and re-did up his pants. "Java, in the days before the virus, there were professionals who couldn't have done that as well as you. I guess we all have our little talents."

Her brow quirked as if she wasn't sure how to take his statement. But then her natural arrogance re-asserted itself. "It's about time you realized my value It has been six months; you married me, remember?"

"Believe me, Java, there's not a day that goes by that I forget exactly who I'm married to."

_Some devil is stuck inside of me  
I cannot set it free  
I wish, I wish I was dead and you breathing  
Just so that you could know  
Some angel is stuck inside of me  
But I cannot set you free_

He watched them walk away, some needing the support of others as they were overcome by their grief. His own eyes remained dry. He couldn't cry, he wouldn't cry. After ten minutes, he made his way down to her grave. It was a simple thing really, no headstone, just a bit of raised earth covered by rocks to keep the scavengers away. He bent down, placing the bunch of wildflowers he'd picked on her grave. They were such a small thing, but they reminded him of her.

She was gone and he might not ever have known if Jay hadn't taken pity on him, sending a message.

_You said always and forever  
Now I believe you baby  
You said always and forever  
Such a long and lonely time_

"You Techno bastard!"

Ram spun around to face an angry Lex, his face twisted and distorted in his rage. He barely had time to register this before the shorter boy swung at him knocking him to the ground. Lex didn't stop, following his body down to the ground, straddling Ram as he hit him again and again. It took Ram a moment to realize that Lex was yelling at him.

"It's all your fault. Sal died because of you, giving birth to your baby, a baby you will never see as long as I live!"

A baby, she'd been pregnant. They had a baby and it still lived.

"What—what wasssit?" He gurgled past the blood in his mouth.

Lex paused a moment, the question throwing him. Then he shook his head. "A baby girl, who's going to grow up loved and happy and untainted by you!" He picked up a rock from the grave, lifting it high over his head.

Ram saw the blow coming and did nothing to stop it. It was no less than what he deserved. And maybe if he was lucky, he would get to be with her again, his beautiful Salene. He watched the rock as it came towards his head. It was going to be a good blow. The one that would set him free.

He had just enough time.

"Thank you."

_Stuck inside of me_


	6. Typical Situation

The melodious, tinkling laughter fell on Trudy's ears like nails on a chalkboard. The responding masculine laughter hit her heart like drops of acid, burning their way to the very core of her. There they were, the super couple. Amber and Jay together, a matched set, like two wedding-cake toppers. _A wedding? For these two? It doesn't even bear thinking about._ But Trudy couldn't stop herself. It was just so typical. If there was a guy that was IT, the smart one, the popular one, the guy all the girls dreamed of being with, then Amber would get him, just steal him right out from under her.

The last time it had been Bray. Mr. Hot-Shot, head of the Drama Club and Student Activities. He'd been older, a senior to their junior status and he'd been a bright shining star in the halls of Zephyr High. Trudy knew him well, had been friends with him and his younger brother Martin since they were really little. They had always gotten along great, and she had _known_ this was it. This was going to be the year that Bray saw the woman she'd become instead of the girl who, along with his little brother, tagged along, wanting to do everything he did.

But that awareness never came. When Trudy had approached Bray, he had looked at her confused and piteously.

_Sorry Trudy, I don't—I didn't mean to lead…I thought you were interested in Martin?_

She had apologized of course. _So sorry to have forced my feelings on you Bray. It won't happen again._ She had run off, never seeing the tortured eyes that followed her, that burned so intensely with yearning and loss.

A week later, Bray and Amber had become a couple. Her cheerleading captain and debate team star to his Big Man on campus status. A match made in yearbook picture heaven. Homecoming King and Queen, Prom King and Queen, cutest couple. For her, Most Likely to Succeed and for him, Catch a Rising Star. They had been what everyone wanted to be. The most popular, the most loved, the best and the brightest.

Than had come graduation. And the oh-so-tearful parting. Bray was going off to college, all the way out in California. He was following his dream and she still had another year of school to go. Long-distance relationships never worked and he wouldn't want her to miss out on all the good times of her senior year because he couldn't be there. How touching. Trudy had gotten an awkward goodbye, a pitying look and stilted conversation and a throw-away promise to 'keep in touch'.

Again, she'd run off, if not literally, then in her mind, having gone from that painful parting to the park, to the old swings in the back, where she Bray, and Martin had played so often when they were younger, before Bray had become 'too old' for those kinds of activities. As she sat on the thick rubber seat, her hands gripping the chains, tears flowing freely down her cheeks, she didn't see a lone figure, watching from a stand of bushes not so far away. When the sobs began, and she dropped her head into her hands, he wept too. Moisture seeped from the corners of his eyes, falling in silvery trails to drip from his chin, unnoticed or simply insignificant to him.

But she had healed. The Barbie doll had gone to cheer camp for the summer, because the squad was going to 'go all the way' this year, and of course, she needed time away 'deal with her feelings'. Trudy had scoffed, but accepted the reprieve. Then the most brilliant thing had happened. A new boy had moved to town. Well, two new boys actually, Jay and his younger brother Ved. But Ved was younger than Martin even, and she didn't pay much attention to him. Jay was a different matter all together though.

He made Bray seem like a girl. Where Bray had shoulder-length brown hair, Jay had short, spiky, bleach-blonde hair. Rather than the tights of Romeo and Robin Hood, Jay sported the laced up tights of Marino and Montana. Instead of a slight build prone to wearing silk shirts, linen pants and sock less loafers, Jay was prone to polo shirts and khakis or white tees and mesh shorts on days he had practice.

And he had been all hers. She first met him at the lemonade slushy stand where she worked in the summers. Not because she needed the money, but because her self-made parents felt she was too spoiled and should learn the value of earning a dollar. Whatever. The stand belonged to her uncle, who owned a whole chain, but had started with this single one. She didn't really mind working there. She ran the whole thing by herself, got to talk to interesting people all day and got to work on her writing when business was slow.

It had been a scorcher, that fateful summer day. She'd been wearing her favorite purple cami-top and khaki skooter shorts, with her hair in a loose top-knot to keep it off her neck. She'd looked pretty hot, if she did say so herself, while keeping cool. Two blonde boys had come up to her stand, the taller one flashing blindingly white teeth at her in greeting.

"Two raspberry-lemonade slushies, please" he had said, maintaining eye contact. _A gentleman, how refreshing._

"Make mine regular, babe." The shorter one smirked at her, but his eyes locked on her ample chest.

"The name's not babe, Junior. And talk to the face, cuz the tits ain't listening." She had responded, by now used to such behavior.

The older one had laughed, saying, "Ved, looks like she has your number." He had then turned to Trudy and stuck out his hand. "Hi, I'm Jay, and this blushing boy is my brother, Ved."

She took his hand, shaking it. "Nice to meet you Jay." She raised her eyebrows. "And you too of course, Ved." Her eyes sparkled.

She had turned back to Jay, slowly pulling her hand from his. He had been as slow, almost reluctant to release her hand. She had colored slightly and unable to meet his eyes, had put on her brightest smile and looked at Ved. "So what size would you gentlemen like?"

Jay had replied. "Two larges." He turned to his brother. "If that's okay with you?"

Ved didn't look at him, just saying in an irritated manner, "Yeah, whatever," before walking a short distance away.

Jay turned back to Trudy, an apologetic expression on his face. "You'll have to excuse my brother. It's not every day that such a beautiful girl busts him down, and so quickly. He's usually the fastest tongue around."

She'd grinned at him, before turning to fix their drinks. Shortly, she was back, putting two straws into their drinks and sliding them in front of Jay. "He probably still is the fastest tongue. I've just had these for a while and don't even have to think about it anymore." She pointed at her breasts, drawing Jay's eyes to them briefly before he met her eyes and flushed, apologizing.

"Don't worry about it. I practically invited you to look after all." She laughed merrily.

"Jay!" Ved called out impatiently.

He looked over his shoulder before turning back to Trudy. "Oops. Looks like 'Junior' is getting impatient. How much do I owe you?" He reached for his wallet.

"Nothing. They're on the house."

He paused. "Surely you don't make much money if you keep giving the drinks away."

She grinned impishly. "Only the first one is free, but you'll be back. These slushies are more addictive than crack."

He raised an eyebrow. "So you admit to being a dealer of an addictive substance?"

"Whatever keeps 'em coming."

He laughed, turning to walk away before saying over his shoulder, "I have an idea of what keeps them coming, and it has nothing to do with the slushies."

She had blushed, ducking her head at the compliment. When he was out of sight, she jumped up and down, squealing silently.

And so it had begun: the best summer of her life. They had spent every spare moment together, going to the movies, to dinner, dancing and on one memorable afternoon, a picnic at the beach. She told him about her dreams of being a writer and he told her about his dream of playing for a Division I college. She and Ved had started again, and developed a brother-sister type relationship, and she had even helped him woo the neighborhood Ice Queen, Ebony. She hadn't melted, but his sharp wit matched her own and spontaneous romantic gestures Trudy suggested seemed to have breached her defenses. Who could have seen that coming?

The answer: no one. But she should have seen Amber coming. After all, Jay had all the qualities Amber liked in a man: handsome, popular and going places. As soon as she came back from camp, she set her sights on Jay. And as Trudy knew all too well, what Amber wanted, Amber got. Next thing, it was unreturned calls and canceled dates from Jay, followed soon after by that most overused and deceitful of speeches; the 'it's not you, it's me' speech. Poof it was over. Bubble burst, dreams shattered, game over and the winner is, by a landslide: Amber, again, of course.

So fucking typical.

Trudy couldn't stand watching them a single moment more. She slammed her locker shut and headed off to class.

Martin watched Trudy stalk off down the hallway. He had seen the pain flash on her face when she saw Jay with Amber. He had seen it before, when Trudy would watch his brother and Amber. He had seen it in his own face when he asked himself in the mirror if he would ever have a chance with her. He had loved her for so long, it was a burning fire within him, almost hurting in its intensity. But she never saw him. She'd only had eyes for his brother and then Jay, but never him.

So here he was, yearning after a woman who always loved another, and never him. He felt her pain because he was going through the same thing. The one she wanted, wanted another. Meaning the one _he _wanted, wanted another.

So fucking typical.

He shook his head, walking down the hallway in the opposite direction of Trudy.


	7. When the World Ends

"Ram, we're having a party to celebrate, you know." Trudy entered Ram's workroom after knocking.

He jerked around from his keyboard, pulling down the cover of his laptop.

Thanks but no thanks, Trudy; we've still got a lot of work to do, cleaning up after…" He smiled apologetically.

"Oh, okay then." She exited the room, closing the door gently behind her.

Ram re-opened his laptop, typing in a couple of commands. "She's a cute one, isn't she Zootie? But you already know that—or at least your namesake did."

"Namesake?" The mechanical voice echoed.

"Yes, Zootie You are a computer program, a modern scientific marvel to be certain, but a program nonetheless, that I created, and named for the second greatest leader this city has known. The first being me, of course. Check your databases, you will find all that you need to know."

He began typing again until he was interrupted by the computer.

"This Trudy, former partner of Zoot and mother of his offspring,--she is cute?"

Ram sighed. "Yes, Zootie. She's cute. Now, please stop interrupting me, I'm trying to work."

There was silence except for the click-clacking of keys.

"Creator."

"Yes, Zoot?" Ram threw up his hands in defeat.

"What is cute?"

"Ram pinched the bridge of his nose, groaning. "How do I explain cute? I'm not exactly certain. You just know it when you see it. Salene, Amber and May are cute, Brady is cute. Ebony is not. She can be called many things, sensual or sultry maybe, but definitely not cute. Trudy is cute, actually more than cute; I would say she's beautiful It's difficult to define."

The door opened and a dark head peeked in for the second time that evening.

"Were you talking to someone? I thought that I heard voices. I can come back…" She began to close the door.

"No, no, I was just speaking aloud to myself." He closed the laptop. "Evil genius occupational hazard, you know?"

Trudy's smile faded.

"A joke. I was making a joke, Trudy. Not a very good one, but really a joke."

Trudy chuckled politely. "Well then, the reason I came back" The smile came back, brighter than ever, her cheeks glowing and her eyes shining. "I've decided that I'm not going to take no for an answer. You're coming to this party. Surely even evil geniuses get a day off for fun?"

Ram glanced down at his laptop and returned his gaze to her. "But there's still so much to do and I have this project I'm working on…"

"Amber and Jay will understand, you can miss one afternoon." She replied, misunderstanding his meaning. "Besides, they will both be at the party, so I know they won't mind. And between you and me, they will probably be happier to know where you are." She winked at him.

"But, but."

She pouted prettily enough to have made Gel jealous. "If the next words out of your mouth aren't 'Yes Trudy, of course I'll go to the party AND be your date', you are going to seriously hurt my feelings. You don't want to hurt my feelings, do you Ram?"

She added eyelash fluttering to the pout. He didn't stand a chance.

"You really want me to be your date? But what about, surely—" He mentally searched for a more conventional alternative to himself.

"What? Lex, Jay, Slade and Jack? All spoken for, I'm afraid, or in Lex's case, just not desirable as a partner. I've never felt the need to be a notch on a post. Mega's out as well, for clearly obvious reasons and I'm not going to take one of his former flunkies. I'd rather dance with the devil I know, so to speak."

"Is that how you see me, a devil?"

"You know that's not what I meant, it's just a figure of speech. C'mon, I don't want to be the pitied girl who doesn't ever have a date and only gets obligation dances from her friends. Please?" She laid the puppy dog eyes on thick and Ram melted like an ice cream cone in the ninth gate.

"I'll do it. I think you'll probably come to regret it, what with your friends being who they are and me being who I am, but what the heck? What's the worse thing that could happen?"

oo00(O)00oo

"Me and my big mouth, Zootie. I should have known this couldn't have worked out. Guys like me just don't get girls like that. Not out here in the real world anyway. VR, that's where I belong, then I could have them all back, Trudy, Siva…Javie." He made to run a hand through his hair, but was thwarted by the horns of Ram as they were known as. "Dammit! Can't anything work right? He shoved both hands into his hair, completely destroying his infamous 'do. He yanked at his hair until moisture leaked from the corners of his eyes until they were streaming and having nothing to do with his hair.

He pushed back his chair violently, rising, only to collapse in a corner of the room. He didn't hear the door open and a voice calling his name softly. Trudy came 'round the desk, stopping her mouth slightly agape as she saw Ram crouched on the floor, facing the wall as his shoulders shook violently. She shook his arm, but got no response. Then she shook harder.

"Ram, stop it, you'll make yourself sick." She reached down to brush his disheveled hair away from his face and he exploded out of his ball like a mousetrap going off. His arm swung wide, catching her and knocking her down as he yelled.

"No! Get 'way! Only get hurt, like them, like her! You'll die, like my parents died, like Java died. Everyone I love dies!"

Trudy froze as the ramifications of Ram's words struck her. She marveled at the sensation. He loved her. Not Amber, not Ebony, but her. But as much as she would like to take a moment or ten to immerse herself in this wonderful knowledge, more pressing matters called. She rose, dusting off shaking hands on her thighs.

"Ram! You have to listen to me. You didn't cause them to die. There was nothing you could have done, for any of them. You didn't create the virus and you didn't force Ebony, Siva and Java to face off." He hissed loudly when he heard their names. "Stop it! Are you so damned arrogant that you have to take responsibility for things you had nothing to do with? I thought you were past this."

He raised bloodshot eyes to her, sniffing before saying, "You don't understand, you don't know—"

"Don't give me that! I know just as much if not more about loss than you! I lost my parents, just like you. My daughter will never know her father, neither will my nephew, thanks to you. Almost half of my tribe is gone, wiped out by either you or your predecessor, so don't tell me I don't understand loss. I've had more than my fair share!" She dashed away angry tears as memories began to assail her and she sat down hard, mouth quivering, but no sound coming out as liquid sorrow flowed from her eyes.

Ram jerked to his knees scrambling over to kneel in front of her. "Don't cry; I didn't mean it, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorryI'msorryI'msorrysorrysorrysorry…" His words fell into a meaningless litany as he gathered her into his arms, holding her as her body shuddered, releasing her grief. He pressed a soft kiss to her temple, followed by another to her forehead, then each or her eyelids, nose, then ever so softly he kissed her lips, tasting the salty remains of her grief.

He pulled back from her, and she mewled softly following him and sealing her lips with his, her mouth opening over his as she pushed until he fell backwards, his arms splayed. She chased him down, never losing contact as her hands began to roam. Ram raised his arms, holding them away as if uncertain where to put them. Trudy solved the problem handily, so to speak, pressing his hands to her chest, closing her hands over his, squeezing the soft flesh. She moaned, biting her lip, then moaned louder when he applied pressure again, flattening his palms and circling his large hands over her breasts. She lowered her head onto his shoulder, whispering breathily into his ear.

"Don't stop. Don't you ever stop."

oo00(O)00oo

Trudy crept softly towards the bathroom, her bare toes curling on the cold tile. She heard the water running and she smiled softly to herself. She knew who was inside, they had drawn up a schedule ages ago and pretty much everyone stuck to it. Ram was inside, preparing to take a bath; she could hear the water running. She grinned. _He was like a girl the way he loved to take baths. Of course baths have their uses, upon occasion._ She pushed the door open and couldn't believe her eyes.

Creating a path into the room and decorating half the surfaces were candles: fat pillars, slender tapers, little votives, even what seemed like hundreds of tiny dancing flames from tea lights. As she stutter-stepped over to the tub she first smelled the heady fragrance of the rose petals before seeing them floating on an ever-expanding bed of bubbles as the tub filled. She spun around slowly and whistled.

"Ram, I know you like to wallow in your baths, but this is ridiculous."

"If it was for me, it would be, but it's not."

Trudy yelped and jumped with fright, clutching her chest as she faced Ram, punching him in the arm. "You startled me."

He gathered her close chuckling in that way that men do when it comes to women, and Trudy wanted to hit him, but she couldn't, enjoying the feel of her cheek against his rumbling chest too much. After a few moments his words triggered her curiosity, and she leaned away from his chest.

"Who IS the bath for?" She eyed him suspiciously.

He laughed again. "Who would it be for? You, of course." He kissed her on the nose. "Happy Anniversary, Trude."

She smiled at him, "It's not our anniversary. It's not for another three days."

He grinned back. "It depends on how you count, doesn't it? You're counting from when we decided to tell everyone, I'm counting from the first time we—ooph!" His breath came out in a rush as she hit him in the stomach.

"We are so not marking our anniversary by the first time we…oophed."

"You remember your way, and I'll remember mine."

oo00(O)00oo

"C'mon Trudy, just one more big push, you're almost there," Amber encouraged her exhausted friend to bring her unborn child into the world.

Trudy's head lolled against Ram's shoulder, clearly sapped of energy, her dark purple hair plastered to her face. She drifted in and out of consciousness, marginally aware of Ram's murmured praises and pleas for her to push just once more. Then she had a moment of clarity, where her world was just pain and pressure and exhaustion. She heard Ram's and Amber's requests, but she couldn't, she didn't have it within her.

"I can't—I can't, I-I…"

"Dammit, Trudy! You bloody well can! You've had enough coddling from all of us. You've done this before, no reason why you can't now."

A spark of anger ignited in Trudy and pushing on Ram's hands to sit up, she fired back. "Yeah, and look how well that turned out; I almost died!"

"Exactly! And if you don't want a repeat performance, push NOW!"

Shooting fire from her eyes at her long-time friend, Trudy did just that, clenching Ram's hands, causing him to bite his lip to not groan out loud. Gritting her teeth and digging in her heels, Trudy bore down in one energy-draining effort, collapsing back against her husband as she felt the warm, sticky mass rush from her body. She didn't see the stricken look on Amber's face as she rushed from the room with the small bundle, leaving Salene to provide after-care to Trudy.

She returned a few minutes later, sorrow marring her visage, tears streaming from her eyes. She met Ram's eyes briefly and then shook her head, mouthing the words 'I'm sorry.' His head bowed, he blinked rapidly, trying to hold back his tears. Finally, Trudy began to stir, sitting up. She craned her neck weakly.

"What did I have? Where's my baby?" She asked, smiling tiredly. When she got no immediate response, her voice rose, as she panicked. "Amber, where's my baby? Bring me my baby now!"

She twisted as best she could, looking behind her to see Ram's hands covering his face, his shoulders and his mouth quivering. She turned back to the also crying Amber.

"No! If this is a joke, it's sick and cruel! Now, bring me my baby! I want to see my baby!" She demanded, her hands fisting the sheets, her knuckles white.

Amber walked briskly from the room, returning moments later with a small bundle in her hands. She walked slowly, reluctantly over to the bed, leaning over. The moment she did this, Trudy snatched the bundle from her hands, needing to see for herself. She whimpered as she looked down on the perfect little person in her arms. A little girl with plump cheeks, petal-soft skin, downy dark hair, and a periwinkle complexion. The china doll in her hands was tinged a delicate blue, from her forehead to her fingers, to her ten little toes. The dark purple marks around the fragile neck told the tale. She had strangled on her own birth cord.

Trudy bent her head over her little girl, a keening cry emitting from her very depths, soon to be followed by great shuddering sobs and then just out and out bawling. Enjoining his grief with hers, Ram moved closer, hugging them both to him. When Brady ran into the room, having escaped from her minder and jumped onto the bed, he pulled her into his arms as well, allowing them all to grieve together, as a family.

oo00(O)00oo

Ram peered out of the bedroom window, viewing the enthusiastic hug and kiss Brady gave to her boyfriend. _Boyfriend. Surely his little girl wasn't old enough to have boyfriends. Wasn't it just this morning that he had taught her how to drive? Yesterday when he had taught her how to read? She wasn't ready. HE wasn't ready. How could she do this to him? She was his little girl, how dare this, this…_ His fist struck the glass in front of him when he saw Kevin's hands apply a gentle squeeze to Brady's butt. _How dare he! Next he'll be swelling her belly and making me_

"You're not going to be a grandfather, Ram." Trudy came up behind him, pressing a kiss to his nape and bringing her arms around him, her slight protrusion pressing into his back. "You've still got a ton of fathering to do. Besides, Brady and I have talked about it and she's not ready to do any of those things with Kevin, she—"

He lifted her hands from his body, lifting them overhead and turning around. He then lowered her arms, kissing each of her knuckles. "Trudy, I love you. I love each or our children and this one that's not here yet." He rubbed the hand he still held over her belly. "However, I can go the rest of my life and each of theirs, without ever, ever knowing the details of their love lives, okay?"

Biting her lip not to smile, Trudy simply nodded silently. She managed to hold it together only until Ram exited the room, her laughter following him as she heard him muttering, "Now to go introduce that punk to my laser collection."

oo00(O)00oo

"Grandpa, Grandpa, read me a bedtime story, please?" Little Kayla tugged on her grandfather's leg, holding her favorite book in her hand. Ram scooped her up into his arms, settling on his hip.

"The 'Three Little Pigs', again? Don't you get tired of hearing this story?" The darling moppet stuck her thumb in her mouth and shook her head in the negative.

"I like it when you do the voices."

"You like the voices? You mean this voice?" Ram lowered the pitch of his voice to a low growl. "And this voice?" He raised the pitch to higher than his normal range, reciting, "Not by the hair of my chinny chin, chin."

Kayla giggled, dimples forming in her cheek, looking so much like her mother at that age. She continued to laugh, clutching the now salt and pepper waves on his head as her grandfather kept up the voices, carrying her into his bedroom. He had permanently lost the horns that fateful day in his workroom. As Ram lowered her to the bed, the little girl quickly scrambled over to her grandmother, presenting her with the book.

"Grandpa's going to read to us."

"Oh he is?" Trudy asked, winking at Ram as he took off his shirt before going into the bathroom to change for bed.

"Uh huh." Kayla nodded, popping her thumb into her mouth again.

"Well then, we better get ready, shouldn't we?" Trudy said, hugging the little girl.

"Yeah!" Kayla crawled beneath the covers, laying down in the middle of Ram's pillow. Trudy giggled when he saw his side of the bed.

"Kayla, that's Grandpa's pillow." He crossed his arms.

"But I like it here." She pouted.

"Kayla."

"Yes, Grandpa?" She opened her eyes wide.

"I'll tell you a new bedtime story if you get off my pillow right now."

"Really?"

"I promise. Now scoot."

She scooted, snuggling up to Trudy, who put an arm around her, squeezing. Kayla rested her head on Trudy's bosom, sucking on her thumb again. Meanwhile, Ram slid in under the covers, pulling them both close, dropping a kiss on Trudy's lips.

"No more kissy-face, Grandpa, tell me a story!"

Ram raised his head, smiling ruefully at Trudy. She grinned, mouthing to him, 'Remind you of anyone?" He shook his head and sat up against the headboard, beginning his story. "Once upon a time, there was a beautiful lady who had a gorgeous little girl. They had a lot of friends and family, but no matter what, they were sad. They were sad because they were locked up by a mean, nasty wizard with big chunky glasses who never, ever smiled. He didn't like how happy the lady and her friends were because he didn't know how to be happy, he only knew how to be mean and alone. But then some of the lady's friends escaped and found another place, a wondrous place far from the wizard. There they found another wizard, even more powerful and stronger and braver than the wizard where they were from."

He ignored Trudy's gasps and chuckles and continued with his tale. "This new wizard went back with the lady's friends and defeated the mean, nasty wizard. Then he fell in love with the lady and her little girl. Her friends didn't like it because they were all jealous that they could be so in love, but the wizard and the lady ignored them because they were so happy, the happiest they had ever been. So the lady and the wizard and the little girl all got married and had a two little boys and two little girls, only one of the little girls was too perfect so she had to go live with the angels."

His breath caught for a moment and Trudy curled her fingers around the nape of his neck, drawing them through the dark waves. Making eye contact with her he started speaking again. "Then they all grew up and had families of their own, the no-so-little anymore girl growing into a beautiful lady, just like her mother, having an adorable little girl of her own, and…"

Trudy silenced him with a finger to the lips, nodding her head towards the slumbering Kayla. She was a darling little cherub, rosy cheeks and long dark lashes, with her thumb in her mouth. He leaned down and kissed her on the forehead, then Trudy, before easing down under the covers, pulling them over Kayla and himself. He turned on his side, his hand reaching out for the hand he knew was there, like it had been each night before and that he knew would always be.


	8. I'm Like a Bird

What a strange looking group they were, walking briskly towards the docks. The mysterious loner, the moderately humbled despot, the computer nerd, the self-obsessed Skipper doll and the sulky sheriff. Lex walked slightly ahead of the others, his short legs pounding the pavements he had trod so many times before in the carrying out of his duties, official and not..

He barely had time to react to the exclamations from those behind him before he too felt the impact of a body striking his own. Not a full-bodied impact, but rather the solid pass of someone clearing a path with their body.

"Hey!" He called out, giving chase.

Slade's word halted his charge. "Let it go, Lex. It's just another kid making sure that he doesn't get left behind."

Lex stutter-stepped to a stop, staring after the departing back of the kid then back at his companions. "You know, he's got the right idea. What say we step it up a bit?"

Murmuring assent, the others picked up the pace and soon they were all boarding the unlikely vessel to their future.

The midday sun beat down on them, blazing brightly, making a mockery of the soft breeze blowing off the water. Even the spray shooting up from the sides of the boat succumbed to the blistering temperatures, casting a lukewarm bath onto those on deck, rather than the refreshing splash they were expecting.

"God! I'm so sick of this never-ending ride and the heat and just…ugh!" Lex scowled at everyone and no one.

"You know Lex, far be it from me to cast aspersions upon your bad-boy image, but don't you think it might help just a little if you took off your jacket…and possibly the shoes? Even Slade abandoned his jacket long ago, and his isn't full-length…and black to boot." Trudy smiled in the face of his glare in response to her words.

She bit her lip to keep from laughing as she watched him mentally battling with himself, finally grunting and removing his shoes and socks and then his jacket. He sighed appreciatively as he wriggled his toes andhis leaned back, bracing himself on his hands. After about a minute, he turned to putting away his clothing with more care. He couldn't after all, have water hitting the leather; it would ruin it for sure. He held his shoes in one hand and reached for the jacket with the other, noticing for the first time and envelope sticking out of an inner pocket.

Frowning, he dropped his shoes absently, removing the envelope. Even with his lack of skill in the art of reading, he recognized the three letters written on the face of it. He turned it over and over in his hands, wondering when and who…then he recalled the when. That kid, the one who bumped into him at the docks; it had to have been him. But who would have written him a letter? Surely, some random girl would have been more direct? And the girls at the Mall would have known better…maybe Ruby or Gel? He glanced over to each girl and had to shoot down his theories. Ruby was occupied shooting daggers at the intimately ensconced pair of Slade and Ebony who talked softly to each other on the other side of the boat. Gel, meanwhile, held a slack-jawed Sammy in thrall as she chattered on, barely taking enough time to breathe.

He looked at the envelope again, then surveyed the horizon, tapping it lazily against his chin. His nostrils flared and he froze. That scent, wafting up from the envelope, it stirred things inside him, triggering memories, good and bad and a yearning so strong his body shuddered with it. He dropped the envelope like it had suddenly become too hot, eyeing itlike one does a venomous snake poised to strike.

"Lex, you have a letter! Who would write you a letter? Everyone knows about your—" Trudy's mouth hung open, but no words came out as Lex faced her. She stood stock still, glued to the spot by the almost startled eyes boring into her from his face. He glared at her, but there was something else there. Could it be…yes, yes it was. Fear. She looked closer and realized he was trembling slightly.

She swallowed with a painfully dry throat. "Do-do you want me to…?" She left the question hanging.

He broke eye contact, dropping his head, shielding himself with the dark veil of his hair. She had to strain to hear the huskily whispered word.

"Please."

Hand shaking, she retrieved the envelope, turning it over in her hands before opening it. She unfolded the pages, uncertain what she expected to see. Skimming the words, she gasped as she realized who wrote the letter. She looked at Lex, seeing his tension-strained form and haltingly began to read.

_Lex,_

_As I write this, so many thoughts run through my mind. The harder I try to gather them together, the harder they race away from me. That's not entirely true. One thought stays with me; it is a burden that I can't avoid or put aside, no matter how I try. You have to let me go, Lex, for both our sakes._

_First of all, let me say that I'm sorry…for everything. For betraying you for abandoning you—that's what it amounts to abandonment. I know about Siva; I don't hold it against you. I wasn't there and I would be the first to tell you to follow where your heart leads. As I have done. I know you have searched for me. Mega told me of your seeking and of his diversions. I could have had him end it but I didn't._

_I did not because I didn't want to be found._

Trudy stopped talking at the hissed breath from Lex. His head rested on his up-drawn knees, his hair flowing down, concealing his expression, though his fisted hands revealed his anguish. She reached out to him, but sensing her action, he jerked away, giving her a flash on wet cheeks and haunted eyes.

"Finish."

She gave him a long searching look, and began reading again.

_I wanted to stay lost. I love you. I will probably always love you, but I had to get away. When the Technos came, I was concerned. I didn't know what they wanted of me, of any of us. And I missed you so. Your arms around me at night, the way you would sing to me whenever I asked. I cried myself to sleep most times. But then things changed. The Technos weren't the monsters I thought they were. Mega—well I won't go into that, but I came to see that they had a vision of the world. A return to what was before._

_I came to embrace this vision. And it was a freeing experience. No longer the struggle for basic necessities. Water, electricity, medicine, all readily available. Knowledge at the fingertips, transportation on command. It was everything I didn't even know I had been yearning for. So I stayed and joined them and you wouldn't believe the places I've seen, the people I've met._

_You're probably wondering. No I didn't forget you. It's just that I couldn't come back to the Mall, to the struggle and the in-fighting. I needed to be free. The Technos gave me that. And now I want to free you. You've already lost one relationship searching for something that isn't there any more. Don't lose love again. The best thing you could do now to make both of us happy. Let me go, Lex. Forget about me. _

_Be free._

Tears streamed down Trudy's cheeks and she sniffed as she lowered her hand. She went over to him, resting her hand on his shoulder, expecting him to shrug it off. He surprised her, leaning into her touch, his body a quivering mass.

"How?"

She stopped the gentle stroking she had been doing to his back.

"How what?"

"How am I supposed to—?"

She began stroking again, needing to do something to lessen his pain, particularly when her words could not.

"We'll figure it out, Lex. I promise you that.".


	9. Stay or Leave

"Jack, we've been over this." There were tears in her eyes and in her voice.

"I know we have Ellie, but I just can't give up hope that you'll stay."

Her eyes narrowed, and her voice hardened. "Jack, you know this is the opportunity of a lifetime, the first step towards me achieving my life's dream."

He huffed, shaking his head and walking a couple of yards away before turning and walking back. He threw his hands up in the air.

"Oh right, how could I forget for one moment just how much being an investigative reporter means to you and just how little I do." As soon as the words left his mouth, he knew he had gone too far, hitting below the belt. His mouth opened, his eyes widened, his expression comically remorseful.

Ellie gasped, throwing Jack a hurt look, tears welling again, then turned and ran out of the room.

Jack stared after her, but didn't follow; he would probably end up saying something to make the situation worse. He hung his head dejectedly. Why did they always end up hurting each other so much? He loved Ellie, more than he had ever thought it possible to love another person; yet their path had never been an easy one, not even when they first met.

&&&&&

"'If set A is all even numbers and set B is all prime numbers, what number is included in both sets?' Oh come on, you call _this_ a math problem? Just how thick is Bray anyway?" Jack muttered to himself as he reviewed the material he was going to be tutoring on this afternoon. "Using Pythagorean's Theorem solve for a when the sides of –oomph!"

The breath left his body as he collided with another body, falling forward onto him, "Watch the hands!" er, _her_.

"Sorry." Jack placed his hands on either side of her body, pushing himself to an upright position next to her. She also sat up, pushing her long blond hair out of her face and staring in the direction she had originally been headed.

She turned back to face him, pointing that way. "You idiot; why don't you look where you're going? I'm never going to catch up to him now!"

Jack looked where she was pointing He quirked a dark brow at her. "Ram? What do you want with him? I wouldn't say that you were his type."

"As if! Not every girl who wants to talk to a guy wants to for romantic or sexual reasons you know. And how do you know Ram Montgomery? I wouldn't think he'd hang out with someone like you." She gave him a scornful look.

"You're right, Ram and I could never possibly be friends. I'm so sorry to have bumped into you—" he gave her a questioning look.

"Ellie."

"Right, so sorry to bump into you, Ellie." He began gathering up his things and hers, handing hers to her. "I assure you it won't happen again." He stood up, dusting off his pants and pulling her to her feet. He turned to walk away.

"Wait!" He gave her another questioning look over his shoulder. "You didn't tell me your name."

"Jack." He started to walk away again.

"Jack, how do you know Ram Montgomery?"

He stopped and turned to face her. "He's only one of my best friends, that's how. Why are you so interested in him?" She gave him a pointed look. "Oh right. I didn't peg you for a fencing groupie." He raised his brows at her.

She threw him an annoyed look. "I'm no groupie. I work for the campus paper, you know _The Tarheel Gazette_? I wanted to interview him."

"Ram doesn't like to do interviews." His tone was suspicious.

"I was hoping he would do this one." She looked off in the direction the Ram had taken, but he was long gone. "Figures. Look, I gotta go." She turned to leave.

He grabbed her shoulder, spinning her around. "Ellie, wait."

"What?"

He grinned at her. "What would you do for another chance at that interview?"

"Certainly not anything like what you're thinking, you perv!" She glared and stomped off.

He went after her, grabbing her shoulder again. "I wasn't talking about anything like _that_; I meant a date or something. Coffee? A donut?"

She raised an eyebrow at him. "If I have coffee with you, you'll get me an interview with Ram Montgomery?"

Jack nodded, grinning again. The he held up his first two fingers. "Scout's honor."

Ellie rolled her eyes, but relented. "Fine. _If_ you get me an interview with Ram. I will have _one_, got that? one coffee with you."

"Looks like this is my lucky day. One interview coming up. I just need your phone number—what? I have to call you to schedule a time _and_ our date."

"A coffee. And I'll call you. Give me _your_ number."

He laughed. "I knew it was just a matter of time before you would want my number."

"Don't push it, Jack."

He laughed again, giving her his number.

And so it began.

&&&&&

Ellie wiped the tears away from her eyes impatiently. She hated crying, but it seemed like that was all she did of late. _Why couldn't Jack understand? This was hurting her as much as it was hurting him, but she had to go to New York. Lord knows she wasn't going to get a _third_ chance. Was she doing the right thing? If she was _really_ in love, wouldn't she want to stay with Jack over everything else?_ "I need an outside opinion." She picked up the phone, dialing quickly, from long habit. "Salene? Can you meet me at Ebony's Palace? I need a friend and some chocolate."

"Thanks for coming, Sal. I just needed to talk to someone who wasn't family about this."

Salene's expression was concerned and she squeezed Ellie's hand briefly. "Alice still saying 'career first, love later'?"

Ellie nodded. "And Gel keeps saying that she would never let so a prime catch as Jack get away; that he wouldn't wait a year for me to come back."

The maroon-haired girl rolled her eyes, before taking a sip from her cup of coffee. "Women's Lib is totally lost on that girl."

Ellie smiled, but almost before you saw it, the smile was gone and once again, she looked miserable.

"Are you sure you won't have another opportunity to do this internship in New York?" Salene inquired.

"Positive. This is already my second chance. I was given an offer freshman year, right after my interview with Ram ended up winning that _Sports Illustrated_ contest, but I didn't take it because our relationship was so new, I didn't think it could have stood the separation. But now I love Jack and he loves me and a year isn't going to change my feelings. Especially if we call each other and write and see each other during breaks—" She looked at her friend helplessly.

Salene looked back, meeting her eyes. "Sounds to me like you've already made your decision; you're just trying to come to terms with it."

Ellie dropped her head to the table. "I have, I am, it's just—"

"Jack."

"Yes, Jack."

Salene sighed. "Men. You can't live 'em, and you can't—"

"'Accidentally' run them over with your car a time or two." Ellie lifted her head. "At least that's what Alice says whenever Ryan gets on her nerves."

Both girls looked at each other and laughed.

"Gosh, it feels like it's been so long since I last laughed. I needed this more than I thought." Ellie took a drink of her coffee, then looked around. "Now where's that waitress? Some of Ebony's famous 'Death by Chocolate' cake sounds about perfect right now. Calories don't count when you need a pick-me-up, right?"

"It's an irrefutable law of the universe." Salene laughed, and Ellie joined in, the pair making quite an attractive picture as they continued to talk and enjoy themselves.

The two girls had caught the attention of a lone diner sitting not too far away at the counter. He had been observing the girls and listening to their conversation since they had come in, completely unnoticed by them. When the girls shifted from talking of heavier things to a more light-hearted fair, he pulled out his cell phone, pressing a button.

"Hey, Jack; it's Mega. I have to talk to you ASAP. Can you meet me at Denny's in fifteen? Great. See you there."

Mega snapped his phone closed and pulling out his wallet, threw a few bills on the counter, before walking out of the café.

&&&&&

"This is the _second_ offer she's received to do an internship in New York? She turned the first one down right after we started going out? Oh God, I've been such an _ass_!" Jack banged his forehead repeatedly on the table.

"Stop that. We've all made asses of ourselves at one point or another. It's part of being in love."

Jack lifted his head just enough to see Mega when he looked up. "When have you ever acted like an a.ss with Trudy?"

Mega snorted. "Too many times to count, but we're not talking about me, we're talking about you and Ellie. What are you going to do now?"

Jack sat upright, turning sideways and lifting his leg onto the bench, draping an arm over his bent knee. "What can I do? She's going to New York. I can't stop her; and even if I could, I woudn't. Who am I to take this chance away from her?"

"The man who loves her?"

The younger boy turned and glared at his friend. "Mega, quit with the games. If you have a point, then make it, because I am so not in the mood."

The bespectacled boy put his elbows on the table, leaning forward. "Jack, you're supposed to be one of the biggest minds on campus. Surely you can think of _something_ you can do. This is the woman you love after all. You do love her, right?"

"Of course I do! I love her with all my heart and it's breaking into a million pieces because she's leaving to go to New York and—" He stopped talking. His eyes opened wide, as if he'd just made a great discovery. "She's going to New York!"

"You just said that."

Jack stood up, grinning broadly. "You don't understand. She's going to New York. _New York!_"

Mega pulled off his glasses, cleaning the lenses with the hem of his shirt. "Yes, and?"

"I'll tell you later, right now I gotta go!" Jack hurried from the table, almost bumping into their waitress. He gripped the woman by the arms, saying excitedly "She's going to New York!" before letting her go and running out of the restaurant.

She came over to the table smiling. "Your friend seems very happy now, not at all like when he came in."

Mega nodded. "He certainly does. I just wish I knew why."

&&&&&

"Flight 1024, Charlotte Douglas to JFK International now boarding, flight 1024, Charlotte Douglass to JFK International now boarding."

"That's my flight. I guess I better get going now." Ellie stood up, as did Salene and her boyfriend. "Thanks, Pride for helping me with my luggage." She gave the dark-haired boy a hug. Then she stood in front of Salene. "And thank you Sal, for everything." Her eyes moistened and the hugged her friend tightly.

Salene spoke softly next to Ellie's ear. "He still hasn't called you?"

Ellie pulled away, shaking her head. She pulled a tissue from her purse, dabbing at her eyes. "I knew he was upset, but I didn't think he would just stop talking to me." She blew her nose. "Look at me, I'm such a mess."

Her friend grabbed her hand, squeezing it. "No you're not. And it'll be okay. You'll see. If I get my hands on his scrawny little—"

"Now you sound like Alice." Ellie laughed and hiccupped at the same time.

"Great minds think alike."

"Final boarding, flight 1024, final boarding, flight 1024."

"I have to go." Ellie gave Salene another quick hug, then turned and walked quickly to the boarding gate, showing the attendant her boarding pass She turned and waved one last time to Salene and Pride, then headed down the walkway to the plane.

She checked her pass, and found her seat. She had the middle of three next to the window. _Great,_ she thought, sitting down. _Now someone's going to have to go past me to get to their seat._ She sighed._ Whatever._ She buckled up her seatbelt, pulled her iPod out of her bag and put on her headphones, closing her eyes as "She Will Be Loved" began to play. Halfway through the second verse, a hand shook her shoulder. She opened her eyes, pulling off one earpiece. She looked at her seatmate and froze.

"Jack! What are you doing here?"

He grinned at her broadly. "Going to New York, silly. Unless this plane is going to Miami? I've always wanted to check out South Beach."

Ellie found her voice. "Quit playing, Jack. What are you doing on this flight? You're not supposed to be here. You should leave before you get in trouble." She hissed, seeing a flight attendant approach.

The attendant touched Jack on his shoulder. "Sir you're going to have to take your seat. We'll be taking off very soon."

"Okay, thank you." Jack sat in the aisle seat, fastening up the seatbelt.

"Jack, unfasten that this instant!"

He gave Ellie a confused look. "Why? The plane's about to take off."

"Exactly! That's why you need to leave now." She said through gritted teeth.

"Ellie, what's the matter? I thought you would be happy that I was going to New York with you." He frowned.

"You're what? Since when? How? What?"

"I'm going to New York with you. I'll be doing an internship with GE. That's what I've been doing the last couple of days, making the arrangements. It will satisfy my practical credit requirements and I get to be with you."

"Oh Jack." Tears began to stream from Ellie's eyes.

"Don't cry. I thought this would make you happy." He looked helpless and confused all at the same time.

Ellie laughed. "I am happy, Jack. You've made me so happy!" She threw her arms around his neck. "I love you." She whispered in his ear.

He pulled back slightly, just far enough to look her in the eyes. "I love you, too." He leaned forward, slanting his head. Her eyes closed as she pushed her lips forward to meet his. Their lips met and he pulled her tight, as if he was trying to make their bodies one.

They didn't see and probably wouldn't have cared about the looks and smiles they were getting from the passengers around them. They didn't even notice when the plane lifted off the ground taking them on their way. They were together and they were in love. That's all wanted or needed.


	10. Chilly Down

The rain fell in heavy sheets, turning the skies gray and melancholy. Ellie looked outside mournfully. She stared out into the rain, sighing before turning to Jack.

"Damn. I so wanted to go out today., I wanted to go over to the hotel to see what information I could pick up about Mega's plans." She frowned at him.

"Sad luck." He commiserated, then perked up. "I know something else that we could do to pass the time." He leered suggestively.

"You fiend." Ellie slapped him on the shoulder, then became thoughtful. "If Amber catches us at it again when we could be 'helping', she's going to skin us alive." No, we have to go someplace else."

"How about my lab?" Jack asked, still hoping to convince Ellie that his idea had merit.

"No, that's the first place they'll look. The roof is out, my room as well…wait, I've got it, the basement!"

Jack frowned. "Why would you want to go down there? It's cold and creepy with the cage and everything."

"See, it's perfect. Just for the reasons you said."

He looked at her askance. "How do you figure?"

Ellie ticked off her points on her fingers. "It's creepy, with the cage and all. No one wants to think about being locked up in there. It's freezing and hardly anyone ever goes down there. They wouldn't think of looking for us there. And I'll help keep you warm if you do the same for me?" She blinked her eyes at him, pouting.

He threw up his hands. "Aagh! I never could resist the lips. Maybe the eyes, but not the lips." He leaned in to kiss those lips, lingering before dragging her down to the basement. They stood at the entrance, surveying the room before them.

"So what are we going to do know?" Jack inquired, waggling his eyebrows.

"Can't you think of anything else?" Ellie rolled her eyes and huffed in exasperation, walking further into the room.

Jack grinned, following her. "Sure I can, but nothing else would be as fun; admit it."

She rolled her eyes again, trying to look sternly at her boyfriend, but failing miserably.

"Fine, you win."

Jack pulled her into his arms, inclining his head to kiss her neck. He breathed over her goose pimpling skin, before licking a moist trail from her jaw down to the crook of her neck. Ellie moaned softly, rolling her head away to give him greater access. He immediately took advantage, nibbling on the exposed flesh, sucking her skin into his mouth, drawing on it gently but firmly

She blinked hazily, then her flew open. She pushed him away from her, knocking him into and old bookcase, scattering some of its contents.

"Jack! I've told you about marking me. I'll never hear the end of it from May now." The blonde craned her neck futilely as she rubbed at the sore spot, trying to catch a glimpse of the hickey she was sure Jack had left on her neck. Finally admitting defeat, she glared at Jack, who sat in a corner by the bookcase, trying desperately to appear contrite.

"Don't bother. I know you're not sorry, or else you wouldn't do it every time." She crossed her arms, leveling a displeased look at him.

"Ellie, I—"

"Save it, Jack. I'm so not in the mood—what's that?" A glossy magazine cover caught her eye, distracting her from her pique. Jack's nervously shifting foot had skittered it away from the pile of stuff on the floor.

She bent, picking up the magazine. "_Vogue._ I haven't seen one of those since…" Her voice faded as she sifted through her memories.

"Zandra." Jack finished.

Ellie blinked at him, coming back to her surroundings. "I was going to say since before the virus, actually, but who?" She asked, but then her face changed, her eyes rounding and her hand covering the O her mouth had become as memory came to her. "Lex's first wife." She said softly.

"Yeah, she was always into fashion magazines and style in general. A real sweetheart, and smart and strong. She had to be to take on Lex."

She half-listened to Jack as she flicked through the magazine. She stopped and flipped back a couple of pages, holding them open. "How Much Do You Really Know: A _Vogue_ Intelligence Test." She read aloud, peering over the top of the page. "C'mon Jack, let's take this test."

He grinned at her. "I don't think so. I would only lead to another fight. You know how competitive you are. What happens after the test?"

She rolled her eyes mentally at Jack's implication of the outcome. Filling her eyes with tears but not allowing any to spill over, she opened them wide and pushed out her lips. "Please Jack?" She fluttered her lashes prettily.

Jack tried, really he did, to withstand the power of Ellie's super pout/puppy dog eyes combo, but went down in flames, agreeing to take the test. They each circled the room, searching for paper and find. They found both back where they started, on a shelf in the bookcase. Jack protested half-heartedly, but Ellie could spot his ill-concealed smugness. Sometimes she wondered just what it was she saw in him.

She began reading the questions aloud and they each answered them on their own paper, Jack exclaiming to himself at times when he felt he so knew the answer. Ellie answered all her questions in silence and when they came to the last question, she waited patiently for him to finish. As soon as he raised his pen, she snatched the paper from his hand and began checking the papers.

When she was done, she laughed triumphantly. "Take that, genius boy." Ellie shoved the pages in Jack's face before getting up to dance around the room. Jack looked at one paper then the other, from Ellie's rounded script to his cramped scratches.

"What? How? Th-this can't be right!"

Ellie danced back to right in front of him. She dropped the magazine in his lap. "Read 'em and weep." She twirled away again, going over to a record player in the corner, rifling through the records stacked beside it. "Wow, I can't believe this is here. I loved this movie." She pulled the large disc from its sleeve, blowing dust off it before placing it on the turntable. Delicately she maneuvered the needle and soon the opening tones of a funky song began to play.

She sang along to the silly tune, dancing in circles. She sashayed over to Jack who was silently berating himself for stupid mistakes, when she pulled the papers and magazine from his hand and tossed them over his shoulder.

"C'mon dance with me." She implored, tugging him to his feet. He resisted, dragging his feet, but Ellie was not to be dissuaded. She wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him close to her body. She undulated against him and he gasped; she stepped back and he followed her. She smiled sultrily at him and he swallowed, his Adam's apple dancing up and down. She began dancing again, moving back and forth and side to side, and each time Jack followed her.

The record stopped and she danced backwards over to it, releasing Jack with a quick peck on his lips. She reset the needle and slipped into his arms again, swaying this time as she reached up to sing in Jack's ear.

"_When the sun goes down (when the sun goes down)  
And the bads are back again (and the bads are back)  
The brothers come'round (the brothers come'round)  
I get out of my dirty bed (my dirty bed)  
I shake my pretty little head (I shake my pretty little head)  
I tap my pretty little feet (I tap my pretty little feet)  
We're brighter than sunlight  
Laouder than thunder  
Dancing like a yo-yo, wooh _

Don't got no problems (no problems)  
Ain't got no suitcase (no suitcase)  
Ain't got no clothes to worry about (no clothes to worry about)  
Ain't got no real estate or jewelry or gold mines binding me, yeah

I'll just through in my hand (through in his hand)  
In the chilliest bunch in the land (in the land)  
They don't look much (oh)  
They sure chilly chilly  
They party till they glow glow, huh (oh)

Chilly down with the fun gang  
Think small with the fun gang  
Bang hips with the fun gang  
When you think it's wild  
Chilly down  
Chilly down with the fun gang (hey, I don't want a job)  
Act tall with the fun gang (woah, walk tall)  
Good times, bad food (yeah)  
When you think it's wild  
Chilly down, chilly down

Wild and crazy, really lazy, high rollin', funky strolling, ball playing  
Hips swaying, trouble making, boody shaking, dripping, passing, jumping  
Bouncing, brawling, stylin', creeping, pouncing, shouting, screaming  
Double-dealing, rock-n-rolling, and oh reeling  
With the max in sex appeal  
Can you think I grew with feeling?

So when things get too tough (get too tough)  
And your chin is dragging on the ground (dragging on the ground)  
And even down looks up (down looks up)  
Bad luck  
We can show you a good time (show you a good time)  
And we don't judge nothing (nothing at all)

Just strut your nasty stuff  
Wiggle in the middle, yeah  
Get you down talking, fun gang

Chilly down with the fun gang (think small)  
Think small with the fun gang (bang)  
Bang hips with the fun gang (hey, listen up)  
When you think it's wild  
Chilly down  
Chilly down with the fun gang (ah, shake your pretty little head)  
Let's go with the fun gang (tap your pretty little feet)  
Good times, bad food (come on, come on)  
When you think it's wild  
Chilly down  
Chilly down with the fun gang (wooh)  
Think small with the fun gang (ha ha ha ha ha)  
Bang hips with the fun gang"

He swayed with her, just enjoying the moment, then he began to listen to the words. He pulled away from Ellie, raising a brow.

"What?" He threw her a confused look and she laughed, pulling herself up to kiss him. His confusion dissipated as he found something he knew very well. He fell onto her mouth, opening it wide so that his tongue could explore. His tongue swirled over the roof of her mouth, then played with the delicate flesh on the inside of her lip then engaged her tongue in a dance where he lead the way, leaving her breathless when he lifted his head and rested on her shoulder as he gasped for breath.

After a few moments, he raised his head, then kissed her softly on her swollen lips. "One more time?"

She nodded, and he let her go, restarting the record for the second time. He turned up the volume a little and went back to her, pulling her into his arms. He grinned, shaking his head as the silly lyrics began and he began shaking his hips getting into it, as he spun Ellie around. He had just bent her back into a dip when heavy boots clomped down the stairs, causing them to freeze.

"There you two are!" Amber frowned at them, then looked over to the record player, momentarily distracted. "What is that you're listening to?"

She didn't wait for an answer, turning back to Jack and Ellie who had by now stood upright. "I need your help upstairs. Everyone's pitching in, even Mouse and Sammy are watching the babies so we're free—"

"Heaven forbid she watches her own kid," Jack whispered and Ellie giggled.

Not having heard Jack's comment, Amber continued, telling them what they were going to be working on and then left, without waiting to see whether or not they agreed with their assignments.

They stared at each other after she left, then Ellie sighed.

"It had to end sometime."

"Yeah, it was fun while it lasted."

She started towards the stairs. "C'mon. Let's get this over with. The sooner we finish, the sooner we can get back to where we left off."

"Is that a promise?" Jack held his breath.

"Well, if you're a good boy.." She winked at him and raced up the stairs.

He followed after her, taking them two at a time. "Oh, you have no idea how good I can be!"


	11. Breaking the Habit

"Jaymes, I want a divorce."

Silence. Complete and utter silence filled the inside of the vehicle. Then sounds started to creep back into the stillness: the muted tones of traffic and the honking horns from behind them when Jaymes didn't respond immediately to the light turning green.

He finally moved forward, his hands gripping the wheel tightly. After approximately ten minutes of tension so thick that you could scoop it onto pie, he spoke.

"What do you mean you want a divorce? What about the kids: Brady, Li-Li, Ghany and Fire? What about them? Have you thought this through?"

Trudy looked over at him. "What _about_ the children? The ones you so conveniently left out: Duncan, Precious and Ahava; what about them as well?"

"What about them, Trudy? We've been over this more times that I care to count. I thought we were past this. And do you really think now is a good time to be having this conversation?"

She crossed her arms and stared straight ahead, her back ramrod stiff. "When would have been a better time to have this discussion? You are always either on a case or practicing at the range or hunting with your stupid macho friends or visiting with your other children _and_ their mothers. Heaven forbid you should have a spare moment or a kind gesture for your _legitimate_ children or worse still, their mother."

Jaymes looked over at Trudy then back at the road, changing lanes quickly to go around a slow-moving minivan.

"Be careful Jaymes, You don't like it when I drive like that."

He faced her again. "You know I'm in full control of this vehicle at all times. It's like an extension of my…"

The end of his sentence was cut off by the horrified look on Trudy's face, accompanied by a screamed, "Jaymes, watch the road!"

Jaymes looked forward; he was almost upon a late-model Honda. He reacted quickly, jerking the wheel to the right, but he wasn't fast enough. The SUV clipped the right rear bumper of the sedan and spun out, striking the guardrail before flipping off the roadway. It rolled over several times before coming to a stop at the bottom of the ravine. The car settled with loud thunk as it stopped on its roof, the passenger door crushed in by the small boulder it had fallen on.

"Trudy? Are you okay? Trudy!" Jaymes asked frantically, panicked when the low moans she had been making previously ceased.

"I'm here, just…so…tired." Her voice was a mere whisper, pain-filled and painful to hear.

"Don't go to sleep. Trudy, can you hear me? You have to stay awake. Trudy, wake up!"

She jerked her head in his direction, wincing, reaching down to touch a particularly throbbing spot on her forehead. As she touched the spot, a thousand points of light exploded behind her eyes and she passed out, her body shielding her from the pain.

Trudy could feel herself floating, drifting above the scene playing out before her. She could see_…herself lying in the hospital bed, Bray by her side, grimacing as she crushed his hand with hers as another contraction rippled through her body. Vaguely hearing the doctor encourage her to push "just one more time," her gathering all her energies to do just that and then whoosh! Out she came, her little girl, her Brady, with her perfect little fingers and toes and her daddy's blue eyes. It had been the happiest day of her life to date. _

Trudy blinked back tears. That was still one of the happiest days of her life. But before she knew it, she was floating again, drifting to another time and another place._ Her and Jaymes having dinner at The Forge. He had been even more charming than usual; the candles had seemed to shine brighter, the champagne more crisp on her tongue, the shrimp she had eaten had been the most tender, juiciest morsels she had ever tasted. And then, it had gotten even better. Somewhere between the entrée and the Death by Chocolate cake, he had slipped the ring on her finger, holding her hands in his and looking deep into her eyes and asked her to marry him. Of course, she had said yes. The entire restaurant had heard her, and she had not cared, she had been so happy._

Jaymes struggled against his seat belt. His own head was swimming and his right arm felt useless to him. He was certain it was broken. But he couldn't give in, he had to get to Trudy, he had to, he just had to…without him even realizing, everything went black; no transition, he just went from being awake to…not.

_He looked down at the tiny pink bundle in his arms. Her face was all smooshed in, the top of her little head was slightly pointy and she was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen; his first-born child. He trailed a comparatively large finger down her soft, plump cheek and she turned her head towards it, making sucking motions with her mouth. "I think she wants you." He said to Gat, who was beaming at the picture of Jaymes and the baby. He handed over the precious package, his eyes moistening as she adjusted her clothing to allow the baby to nurse._

"_What are we going to call her?"_

_Gat smiled at him serenely. "What do you think of the name 'Ahava'?"_

Like rapidly flipping the channels of a TV, a kaleidoscope of images spun before his eyes, finally settling on one of the most horrifying memories he had ever had, one he would like erased completely from his mind.

Adrenaline flooded his veins, his gun held in a two-hand grip, pointed skywards as he crept cautiously through the apartment of a known drug dealer. They had been after him for months and they had finally acquired enough evidence to get a warrant, and now here they were, getting ready to bust him and take him off the streets. 

"Jaffa, you have no way out. Come out with your hands in the air." Jaymes yelled, motioning with his head for his partner Lex to come around on the other side.

"_I'd rather die, pig! That's the only way you're going to take me." Jaffa responded, letting loose a spray of bullets in Jaymes' general direction._

_Jaymes answered back with fire of his own, then told Lex to cover him as he ducked and rolled through the doorway, coming to a stop crouched behind the sofa in the living room. Jaffa was in the bedroom doorway, also crouched, as he stuck his blond head out, Jaymes fired, just missing as the criminal ducked, the shot going harmlessly through the door; or perhaps not so harmlessly. A scream rang out from the bedroom, a feminine scream that caught Jaffa's attention. He turned towards her, giving Jaymes what he had been waiting for: a clean shot. He squeezed the trigger, catching Jaffa in the shoulder, his body spinning before falling to the ground._

_Jaymes ran over to him, kicking the gun out of the drug-dealer's hand. He quickly searched him for other weapons, and finding none, pressed down on the wound while he called out the Lex to call for an ambulance. He was not prepared for the attack of the virago that ran out of the bedroom shrieking, her arms outstretched and her fingers curled into claws. She raked a hand down his cheek, scratching him deeply, then beat at him about the head with both hands, screaming the entire time._

"_You killed him, you bastard, you killed him."_

_He raised up off Jaffa, needing both hands to subdue her, finally capturing both of her hands in his._

"_Stop fighting lady, Jaffa's not dead, he's only wounded. I assure you he will fully recover, and in time for his trial."_

_She screamed, loud and long in his ear. "Not him, you murderer! You killed my baby, you killed my precious Tree." Her screams turned into sobs and she went limp, as if all the fight had gone out of her._

"_Lex, get over here and restrain her. I—I need to go inside the bedroom." He handed off the distraught woman to his partner, slowly entering the bedroom. He was not prepared for what he saw. There, on the bedroom floor, the body of a little girl, dressed in pink and white, except now her dress was stained with red: blood. The blood on his hands; he had killed her, this little girl, not much older than Brady._

"_Noooooooooooooo!"_

The world went black.

"Jaymes, Jaymes are you okay?" Trudy asked softly. It was all she could manage. Her head still felt like it was going to split open and hanging upside-down like she was didn't help any. She gingerly reached for her seatbelt, releasing the clasp. She fell headfirst onto the roof of the truck. _Not a smart idea…_and again she was out.

_"Mommy, when is Daddy coming home?" Brady gripped her bear tightly, needing its reassuring presence in these unsettled times._

_Trudy knelt in front of her daughter, observing her closely. Brady had taken to Jaymes almost immediately, bonding with him to the extent that he was in fact her father in every way except biological. And she was most definitely 'Daddy's Little Girl', and therefore felt his absence right down to her little toes. She looked so forlorn, so lost as she beseeched her mother to bring her Daddy home._

Damn you Jaymes, _Trudy thought as she saw how torn up their daughter was. He'd been gone for three months now. Leaving after the last big blow-up she and he had had over his drinking. He had not been able to cope with his accidental killing of a child, even though the review board cleared him of any wrongdoing. He had started drinking heavily and his Captain had put him on indefinite leave, telling him he needed to straighten himself out, to talk to the station's psychiatrist. It hadn't worked. The drinking had continued until Trudy couldn't take it anymore, telling him it was the booze or his family. He had chosen the booze and they hadn't seen him since._

He moved his head side-to-side slowly. It still hurt quite a bit. But his arm had gone numb; not a good sign. He looked over and saw Trudy curled up on the roof of the truck. Right; he needed to release his belt as well, because although his arm was broken and they were both possibly concussed, it was freezing outside and they needed heat. He reached over with his good hand, setting himself free. He was fairly tall and did not fall very far. He moved himself around, scooting closer to his wife, using his good arm to pull her to him. She was chilled but soon warmth filled them, a little too much warmth. He was feeling drowsy…

She was so beautiful, this woman sleeping so peacefully beside him. Even more so than when she was awake because in slumber her face softened, allowing the natural beauty to shine through. Although you couldn't see the emerald sparkle of her eyes, you could see the lush fullness of her mouth and the inner translucence of her skin, even her braids seemed softer somehow as they curled around her shoulders.

_He picked up a strand, drawing it softly down her cheek. She screwed up her face like a child and raised a hand to bat it away, but did not awaken. He smiled and drew the braid from her cheek to her neck. She batted at it again, but did not awaken. He grinned and eyes sparkling, trailed the hair down into the cleavage revealed by her low-necked gown, replacing it with his finger as he moved closer the valley between her breasts._

"_Don't you think you've played enough?"_

_He froze, meeting her eyes. "You were awake?"_

_She grinned mischievously at him. "Misspent youth. I sleep lightly." She licked her lips, her grin widening when his eyes dropped to follow her tongue dampening them._

_He flushed at her catching him staring, but then his expression got serious. "Thank you."_

"_For what?" She gave him confused look._

"_For saving me. I would probably be dead now if it were not for you."_

_She shook her head, her braids grazing his chest and arms. She held his head in both her hands, drawing it to within inches of hers. "Listen to me. You were not going to die. You would have gotten better, with a little more time. It wasn't your fault. It wasn't."_

_He tried to turn his head away, but she would not let go. He settled on looking down._

"_Jaymes." No response. "Jaymes, look at me." He looked up. "I have some wonderful news." He tilted his head sideways. "We're going to have a baby, Jaymes; you're going to be a father."_

_He was going to be a father. He _was_ a father. Li-Li, Ghany, _Brady_; he had to go, he had to go home._

Oh it was so warm and cozy. Just like old times, Jaymes holding her, his big body giving off so much heat it was like burning. She nuzzled her head into his neck and gasped. That hurt! Why did it hurt? She blinked owlishly and opened her eyes. Recollection came slowly. They were not in their bed. They were in the truck. They had an accident and were still waiting for help. She had hit her head and it hurt, a lot. She needed to stay awake, because, because…

_Two rings, three rings "Hello?" A huskily feminine voice answered the phone; it oozed sensuality. Trudy had never met her, but already hated her, this rival for her husband's attention and his heart. Sure, Jaymes had said it was over, once he had come home, but still saw her when he went to spend time with his children, Duncan and Precious. The names were like knife-stabs to her heart. They were only six months older than Fiona, or Fire as they had taken to calling her, with her head of flaming red hair. He should be home with them, not with her, Ebony he called her. What kind of name was that anyway?_

_She could hear Jaymes in the background, "Who wants to ride the horsey? Not both of you at the same; my little Precious, do you want to ride the horsey?" Trudy felt moisture prick her eyes. How many times had Jaymes done the same thing for Brady and Li-Li and Ghany? Fire was still too young, but certainly she would get her chance too?_

_Her thoughts were interrupted by the sultry voice. "Is anyone there? I'm hanging up now." Trudy beat her to it, dropping the phone with a loud clatter. I hope her eardrums burst. Oh God, that was petty. When did I become like this? What has happened to me?_

_"Mama, play?" She whirled around; Ghany stood in the doorway of her bedroom, holding his blocks._

_"Just a second, sweetie. Mama needs just a second." She smiled at him, as she wiped the moisture away from her cheeks._

_"Mama sad?" He scrunched up his little face, more than ready to cry along with her._

_She walked over to him and scooped him up into her arms, holding him tightly, smelling his soft little boy scent. "No, Ghany. Mama's not sad, not as long as she has her little man with her."_

_God, he was exhausted. The case he and Lex had been working concluded at 6, he glanced at his watch, yesterday morning. It was past midnight? And he hadn't even been home yet? Trudy was going to kill him. She would have been simmering all day. But what could he do? Ahava had been ill, and calling for her Daddy, surely Trudy would understand? He would understand if Martin had still been alive and Brady asked for him. Okay, maybe not, but still. He stopped at the front door. Bracing himself, he unlocked it and felt himself punched in the stomach. Not physically, but the emotional impact was just as strong._

_The entry hallway was strewn with balloons and streamers, and a banner at the end of it read 'Happy Birthday'. Torn and balled up wrapping paper littered one corning of the living room, while a plastic 'tail' was stuck in the wall a foot away from a cardboard donkey poster. A trail of small candies extended haphazardly from the living room to the dining room, with a bigger collection scattered beneath a much-beaten Dora the Explorer piñata._

_He had missed the twins' party. The entire thing. He walked further into the room, not noticing when his suit-jacket slipped from his fingers. He almost bumped into Trudy, who came out of the kitchen, looking tired and angry as she headed towards the table. He grabbed her arm._

_She stopped, but didn't look at him. "Let me go, Jaymes." He pulled her into his arms. "You know I don't like being against your holster. Let me go."_

_He held her in one arm, using his other hand to awkwardly remove his shoulder holster. He pulled her into his arms again. "I'm so sorry Trudy. So, so sorry. Ahava needed me. I had to be there." He felt her tense at the mention of his eldest daughter's name. Then she actively tried to get him to release her, struggling in his arms._

_"Let me go Jaymes, let me go." She stopped struggling, beginning to cry. Her knees weakened and not expecting it, his arms couldn't hold her and she dropped to the floor. She sat there, crying._

_He crouched down in front of her._

_"They wanted their Daddy, Jaymes. All their friends were there, and their sisters, even 'Uncle Lex' managed to be there, but they wanted the one person who wasn't there: their Daddy." She looked up at him. "They may be young and their conscious minds might not remember, but it will be there in the subconscious, the memory that when they needed their daddy, he wasn't there. I'm not blaming Ahava, I would never wish sickness on any child, but Jaymes you have to see that you can't continue on this way. You can't be there for them all. Someone will always be short-changed."_

_"You're only one man, Jaymes. A good man, a strong man, but you're not a superman. You cannot be everywhere at once. You're spreading yourself too thin. I swore to myself that I would never do this, but I don't see any other option."_

_She pinned him with her gaze, blinking past the moisture. "You have to choose, Jaymes. You are either in our lives or you're not. It can't be half-time. Your children deserve more than that. I deserve more than that._

"Ma'am, sir, are you okay." A male voice called from outside Jaymes window. They both jerked to consciousness, wincing at the suddenness of their movements. They blearily looked out of the window, seeing a large blond man crouched outside shining a flashlight into the truck, peering at them with concern. Seeing that they were awake, he said. "My name is Ryan and I saw your truck go off the highway. Help is on the way, okay?"

Jaymes nodded, wincing. "Thank you…Ryan" he said slowly.

They could hear a siren wailing, the distant noise coming closer. Ryan jumped up. "Oh, that's the ambulance. I'll just go direct them. Don't go anywhere, alright?" He flushed, realizing what he had said and hesitated for a moment before climbing up the slope.

Left alone, the couple looked at each other.

"Jaymes, I—" Trudy began.

"Trudy, you were—" He began as well.

"Ladies, first."

"No, you go."

He took a deep breath. "Okay. Trudy you were right. I can't keep short-changing you or the children. I won't fight the divorce."

"It's a good thing I don't want one then." She laughed at his comical expression.

"But why? What about Ahava and Precious and Duncan."

"What about them? You love them with the same devotion you give to our children. As a matter of fact, I would think less of you if you didn't. That's what makes you the man you are, the man I love. We will just have to work something out, a schedule or something. And I think it's time the kids met their siblings."

"Are you—are you sure, Trudy? That's asking a lot…" He said it cautiously, as if he was receiving a present he expected to be yanked out of his hands at any second.

"Yes I'm sure; I don't know why I didn't think of it sooner. That way you don't have to split your time. You could spend time with all of them at once. That is if it's okay with Gattaca and Ebony?"

Tears spilled forth from his eyes and he didn't wipe them away. "Trudy, I—I don't know what to say."

"You don't need to say anything. We could have died tonight. Our children could have been orphans. But it doesn't end there. Ahava, Precious and Duncan would have lost their father too. Although Martin is gone, Brady doesn't know what it feels like to not have a father. I couldn't do that to those children. I realized that tonight. It hasn't been easy these last couple of years. But I can't allow those years to wipe out all the good ones that came before, and the ones yet to come. I love you too much."

"And I love you." He squeezed her close with his good arm, dropping a kiss on the top of her head. Vaguely he heard the noises of people coming to rescue them, but there with his wife, he knew he was already saved.


	12. When the World Ends, Other Version

Ram sat swaying with the boat, one hand on his up-drawn knee, his other leg extended before him. He was engaged in one of his favorite pastimes, well pastime wasn't accurate, it was bordering on obsession at this point.

"If you stare any harder, you're going to bore a hole and then where will you be?" Slade smirked at him.

Ram swung his head around, mouth hanging open. Slade took the opportunity to slide down the wall and sit next to him.

"You might want to close that; flies and all." Slade chuckled when Ram closed his mouth, coloring up.

The younger boy muttered under his breath, glaring at Slade, but it wasn't long before like a magnet, his eyes were pulled back to the vision that had been haunting him since they had boarded this barge to nowhere. The vision that remained just out of reach.

"Why don't you talk to her? From what I've seen, she's a real sweetheart, kind, loving; just look at her with her little girl."

Ram did as directed, green fire blazing from his eyes, as if he thought that if he stared long enough, hard enough, he could make his dreams happen. The intense longing that covered his face was so intimate, almost painful to watch. But watch Slade did, he had forced this display and he could not be squeamish about it now. Ram finally tore his eyes away, gritting his teeth, fists clenched at his sides, a picture of thwarted desires, unfulfilled dreams.

"Why won't you go to her? You know you want to, and I know she'd be open to it, so why—"

"Because I can't! You know my past, and so does she; there's no way she would have me. The things that I've done, the people I've hurt. Her little girl is the most important thing in the world to her and because of me they were separated. Brady was captured during one of the raids I instigated to round up participants for The Game and Paradise. I was so caught up in my quest for a perfect world and now look what it's done. We've all lost our homes, and friends and—"

"And nothing. Ram, we all have a past. You, me, even Trudy. We have all done things we aren't proud of." Slade didn't think that his words were getting through to the younger boy. He pressed a hand to Ram's shoulder.

"Do you know about The Chosen?"

Ram blinked at Slade, thrown by the question. "Yeah, they were some Zoot worshipping cult. Last force to invade the City before the Technos; taken out by the Mallrats. What do they have to do with anything?"

"Did you know about The Supreme Mother?"

"Who?"

Slade stretched as much as space would allow, then began his tale, relating Trudy's involvement with The Chosen, her treatment of the Mallrats, the betrayal and mistreatment of her best friends…all of it. Ram listened to it all in silence, finally looking at Trudy in contemplation at the end.

"I know it must come as a shock, what I just told you, it's a lot to digest; don't you have anything to say?" Slade prodded the quiet.

"It-it is a lot to think about, to process. I need a little time to wrap my head around what you've told me. It's like I'm seeing Trudy in a completely new light, you know?"

The former loner nodded, replying. "I get you. I had to do the same when I found out about Ebony." He rose to his feet. "In time, if you want to talk, I'm willing to listen."

Ram nodded, waving him off. He heard Slade's words and filed them away for later. Right now, he had more pressing matters to ponder on. Trudy wasn't the total innocent he had pegged her for. The things she must have seen, all that she had done, he could relate. They weren't so different, she and he. They had both changed the City, ruled it and in doing so hurt people. Was that enough of a reason though? Was that really something they could build a relationship on? He didn't have the answers. Hell, he didn't even know if Trudy saw him the way he saw her. He hoped, but all he had to go on was that one moment. What if he had read into it more than it was?

FLASHBACK

He thought he had read the signals right, but how to know for certain? He couldn't just ask her and asking Slade to do it was simply too middle school. The more he thought about it, the less it made sense and soon he was sure he had imagined it all. His head fell back against the wall and he banged it as he mentally chastised himself for his folly. _Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid…_

"You know, there are better, not to mention more efficient ways to crack your head open, if you are determined to do so."

He raised his head, meeting the twinkling eyes that laughed at him. His immediate response was anger that she would have the audacity to ridicule him, but then absurdity of the situation dawned on him and he had to laugh.

"Naw, my head is definitely too hard to be cracked by anything on this boat; all that's holding it together is a wish, a prayer and duct tape. I'd be more concerned about _me_ damaging _it_."

She laughed at his joke, and felt it in his gut, the melodic tones falling on him like a benediction.

"Where's Brady?" He asked, looking around for Trudy's usual attachment.

She raised a brow at him. "I didn't think you knew her name."

"Oh, I know all sorts of things."

She stared at him, as if uncertain how to take his response. "I'll just bet you do," she said finally, and then continued. "Brady wanted to spend some time with her Auntie S'lene"

"Oh." He looked thoughtful.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Her gaze narrowed.

"It's just that—" He shook his head. "Never mind, it's stupid."

She hit him on the shoulder. "Tell me."

He glanced at his shoulder then returned his gaze to her. "Teach me to get between you and what you want."

She raised a fist at him. "That's nothing. Now tell me already."

"It' just, I wonder, why me? I know you love Brady, but I also know you need a break sometimes, so I wonder, why you came over here to me?" His voice was unusually soft and uncertain, his eyes large and seeking.

"Oh."

He stared at her unblinking.

"Yes, well…because I wanted to." Her voice was almost a whisper. She bit her lip nervously; the ball was now in his court and she awaited his return.

He swallowed the large lump that had suddenly taken up residence in his throat. "You did?"

She nodded slowly.

"But I thought, everything I've done, I've hurt your friends, the virus—"

"The virus wasn't your fault! If Mega hadn't made it, we would all still be at home." Her intensity surprised him. "And, and Jay and Amber wouldn't be themselves if it wasn't for you. I don't want to hear anything else on the subject, and that is that!" She jabbed a finger at his chest.

He grabbed her hand, holding it tenderly. "I won't say another word, I promise, except…"

"Except what?" Urgency still colored her voice.

"Except…I-I love you. Your amazing capacity for love, your loyalty, your smile, your eyes, your hea—mmph!"

Whatever else he had been about to say, was gone, lost as his mind was under the sheer emotion of the kiss.

"Cliched I know, but astonishingly effective." She panted, her breath a moist heat across his still-damp lips.

He made an indecipherable sound of inquiry and she giggled. "Maybe I should patent these kisses."

At last more cognizant, he replied, "Maybe you should; if I had had your skills at my disposal, conquering the City would have been much easier. The kids would probably have been racing to sign up for The Game or Paradise."

Trudy glared at him, hitting him on the shoulder again.

"I was just kidding, I swear. Just a little former despot humor." He rubbed his shoulder.

"Well all that is in your past, right?" She rubbed noses with him. "Right?"

"I won't lie to you. I don't know. I get ideas all the time. It sorta goes with this genius-sized brain of mine. I can't control—you know what, this was a terrible idea, forget I said anything." He pushed up, beginning to rise, only to be shoved back down.

"Okay, so you can't control your thoughts, you CAN control how you act upon those thoughts. Believe me, I know. And if you think for one second that I'm going to allow you to be that person ever again—"

"Trudy…"

"Whatever it is, it can wait. I know how tempting it is, how easy it would be to give in, but you can't. You have to fight, if not for yourself, then for everyone else, for the others, for Brady and Baby Bray, and dammit, for me, because I love you."

She collapsed against him, sobbing noisily on his shoulder. Ram patted her back gently.

His soft-spoken words were an endless litany, a commitment to change.

"Never again; not for any price. Never again, I promise, never again."


	13. Time After Time

_As I watch you every day, there's one word that colors every emotion, every thought, every wish. Regret. So many regrets. And dreams of what if. What if I had made different choices for my life? What if your mom had loved me instead of my brother? What if I had lived? What would your life be like then?_

_That last one gets me every time. Because if I had lived, your life would not be any better, in fact it would probably be worse than it is now. Ebony wouldn't have stood for the competition for my attention either, from you or your mom, and your mom would have spent all her waking moments trying to leave and take you with her. Your uncle would have encouraged her, while trying to get me to give up all that I had fought for and previously held so dear until you came along: power and chaos._

_You would have been at the center of a conflict so big, that none us would have walked away unscathed, you least of all. Which is why, in a way, there is one regret I don't have: living. It's peaceful here, not the clouds and harps that I expected, but I'm much more content here than I ever thought I could be. The anger, pain and self-loathing are gone, replaced by acceptance, serenity and love for you and hope for your future._

_There is so much more waiting for you now, with me gone. Even though I see you down there where you are and I so want to be with you, to be there for you, to keep away all the monsters under the bed and to be your big strong, hero, I know I cannot and that it's better for you that way. With me out of your life, you're free to be whoever you want to be. You don't have to be a victim of your circumstances and you don't have to change yourself to be what others perceive you to be or expect you to be based on who I am, or rather was. As it stands now, you get to decide, you're in the driver's seat and the lights are all green, baby._

_You can be a politician like your uncle, though I would hope you did not. You could follow in the footsteps of your honorary uncles, being a scientist or a doctor or a general or even a sheriff (though I do hope that this is all you learn from Lex). Or you could be an educator or a conservationist or even an evil dictator, though I really, really hope you don't go down that path to pain and ruin. You could be anything your little heart desires, so long as it's your choice and you don't hurt anyone doing it._

_Of all the things that I regret, this is what I regret the most, not being there to ensure that these possibilities remain open for you. To ensure that you decide, to protect you from undue influence from everyone, up to and including your mother if needs be. I know that sounds harsh, but I'm not trying to be. This isn't about her, this is an arrangement between you and me. A trust that for as long as you need, I'll be here, watching over and keeping you safe._

If you're lost you can look  
and you will find me  
time after time  
If you fall I will catch you  
I'll be waiting  
time after time


End file.
